Relationship jokes
Stephen Hawking was an unfaithful man. He had an affair with Alexa.
🌍: You're so hot!
🌎: How are you single?
☀️: I burn anyone who gets too close!
My step bro thought I was single and tried to take me, but I said, "I'm take." And guess what he did? He cried.
Why? Why would you do that?
POV them: What's one move to get a man motivated in bed?
Her: All you gotta give is that hawk tuah and spit on that thang, you get me?
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.
Memes
💔 The Broken Family 💔 . Part 1
Girl: Mom, dad tried to have sex with me last night.
Mom: Are you serious?? (Shocked)
Girl: Yah. He said I must kiss him after he didn't want to let me go.
Mom: Am gonna kill ur dad (Angry)
Girl: Please mom, we still need him, who will buy use food and clothes. You don't have a job mom.
Mom: But what he did was wrong.
Girl: I know.
(SOUND OF A CAR COMING IN)
Mom: Is that ur dad.
Girl: Yes Mom
Comment Part 2
Fishing is like sex: when it is great, it is great; when it is not so great, it is still great!
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
Someone came to me and said, "Your dad is gay." I just said, "Wait. You know where my dad is? Please tell me!"
A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:
Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."
This guy walked into a pizzeria and ordered a water. The owner called him an idiot.
His girlfriend walked in and ordered a pineapple pizza.
The guy left her, and the owner made her leave.
My mom: "Dear, I don't know why your grandma is spending more time with her friend Carla, can you spy on her?"
Me: "Your mom gay lol."
My mom: "Don't talk about your grandma like that, you rude girl."
You: "Your mom gay lol."
911 what's your emergency?
Me: Officer, my girlfriend is dead!
Operator: What happened!?
Me: She bit the tip.
Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well no sir." And grandpa said, then no, you can't.
Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said let me get a hit of that, and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And Johnny said no again. Then papaw was shooting his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d**k reached his a**, and Johnny said no.
Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d**k reach your a**?" And papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f**k yourself because you ain't getting none of my ice cream!"
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be the dolphin, you can be the jellyfish.
Kid 1: I like you! Do you like me?
Kid 2: No. You never asked if I love you!
Kid 1: Aw, do you love me?
Kid 2: No!
"Hey, today was great!"
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car!"
Your wife dumped you because you are so poor and you are so ugly. You also live under a rock and have no money. You got dumped so hard you can't remember you got dumped.
What did the orphan say to its parents?
"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"
They people: "No."