Relationship jokes

A mom cow's last words were to the mom cow's son. They were, "You are..." then died. The son thought that he was adopted, but then three years later, the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say, "You were adorable." Then she died once more. Then two years later, she rose from the dead for the last time to say to her son, "And that's why we adopted you."

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.

Saying balls go into pussy.

A guy goes in to get some tests done. The doctor comes out and says, "I got good news and bad news." The guy says, "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says, "The tests came back positive. You got two weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin' her."

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Two gay lovers find out they are brothers.

I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.

Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.

When you think your mom's a virgin, then you stumble into the wrong closet.

A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”

“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.

“Let me start,” says the son.

“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.

“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.

“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.

“Your right!” He replies.

“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”

“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.

“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.

What's the difference between family and cats...

Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.

Why can’t orphans date?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

Heard the phrase "one man's trash is another man's treasure"? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.

Doctor Seuss break up lines:

"One fish, two fish, blue fish, red fish, I'm breaking up with you, bitch."

I like my men like I like my coffee: black and hot.

Why can't an orphan be gay? Because they have no one to call "daddy."

"Jump in the Cadillac, girl, let's put some miles on it."

What would a man say to flirt with a woman that has a big butt?

You are so butty-ful!

Boy: Wanna hear about my dick? Never mind, it's too short.

Girl: Wanna hear about my pussy? Fuck no, you won't get it.

Why is my dad gone?

I don't know.

Why is an orphan gay? Because they can call somebody "daddy."

When I was 8, my sister was half my age. I am 60 now, how old is my sister?

Comments: 30! Give me an easier question next time!