Relationship jokes
I didn’t wanna tell you, but I had to write this song, cause I’m in your house every night doin' your mom.
Every single person on the plane died except for 2. How is that possible?
It said all the single people died; the 2 were a couple. That's how it was possible.
What are twins’ favorite fruit?
Pairs 🍐.
What do you call a mom that is yours?
Your mom!
Hi Mom, how are you doing?
Memes
I don't have any friends.
If you like this, I can be your friend :)
Q: Why is marriage not a word?
It's a life sentence!
So I was living with a girl for a few weeks, and it was nice until she found out that I was there.
I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes.
She gave me a hug.
"Hey, today was great!"
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car!"
Why did the orphan turn gay?
A: Because he wanted someone to call him "daddy."
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."
Kid 1: I like you! Do you like me?
Kid 2: No. You never asked if I love you!
Kid 1: Aw, do you love me?
Kid 2: No!
Me: Pretend your name is “puberty.”
Friend: Ok?
Me: I'mma hit puberty!
*hits my friend*
Your hairline goes further back than your mum's divorce.
What do you call two AI systems that are in love with each other? Member of chat LGBT.
Why is it okay for a woman to use me when she feels like it, but when I use her body when I feel like it, I am the bad guy?
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they can't call anyone their dad.
Why did the orphan take a selfie?
Because he wanted a family portrait.
My mom calls me.
Me: WHAT MOM?
No answer.
Me: WHAT?