Relationship jokes

Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”

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Family are together playing charades.

Me: "50 Shades of Grey!" Yes, I'm so good at charades! Put your shirt back on, Nan!

I told her "I love you." She said, "I love me too."

My uncle sayEd to me once, "You're my favorite child." And I said, "You mean Nece?" He said, "No, my favorite child."

Your mom's my dad. Think about that!

Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.

Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.

Years later:

Dad still did not come back.

Girl: Come over.

Orphan: I can’t.

Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)

Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.

Fun fact: If you're an orphan, you probably don't know your parents.

My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.

I don't have any friends.

If you like this, I can be your friend :)

"Hi, honey, how do you want buns?"

What are twins’ favorite fruit?

Pairs 🍐.

I was doin' your mom, yes yours!

I didn’t wanna tell you, but I had to write this song, cause I’m in your house every night doin' your mom.

"Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom."

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."

My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."

Your mum stinks of disabled people.

Wanna know why?

I don't know either, you tell me.

I said I was going to my flat. I really meant your girl.