Relationship jokes
Why didn't the wife want sex?
Because they were having too many babies.
What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy.
Orphan: I finally have a father!
God: And who is that?
Orphan: You!
God: Who the hell is you? Well, it's not me.
Orphan: :l
"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."
When your crush walks in class but you're homeschooled...
What's another name for an Incel? A feminist.
My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.
What's Asian but has broken up with its girlfriend?
A dumpling.
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
Friend: You're adopted.
Orphan: At least I was chosen!
Friend: At least I was kept.
Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.
The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...
Why can’t orphans get married in Alabama?
Because they don’t have a sister.
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair and guess who came crawling back!
My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"
So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.
Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef!
I'mma flip this coin, if it lands on heads, tuh, you gotta give me head, if it lands on tails then you gotta give me the booty, so lets give this a try *flips coin* OOP! Would ya look at that, it landed on both, ESSKETIT!
I bet your hairline goes inside your private part, and your girlfriend can’t even touch it.
Say, "Moommy."
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."