Relationship jokes

I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes.

She gave me a hug.

Me: Pretend your name is “puberty.”

Friend: Ok?

Me: I'mma hit puberty!

*hits my friend*

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I saw your mom beat you.

How fast is the speed of sex?

68 because at 69 you've got to turn around.

Your mama is so ugly! It took your dad 15 years to return from getting milk.

What can you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing that you haven't told her twice already.

Sister, you're ugly.

Other sister: I'm not your reflection.

PS. Sorry if it is not funny.

What's the similarity between an orphan and my dick?

They both will die alone.

Why don't emo girls date emo boys? Cause they've already got a pussy.

What do orphans and broken up couples have in common?

They can't see each other anymore.

When your mum sold you on eBay for £2 pound for girls stripper.

Roses are red, clovers are green.

I love your legs and what's in between. LOL

Yo mama so fat, that’s why people don’t want to marry her, except for fat guys.

The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”

If an orphan took a photo, what would it be considered?

Not a family photo.

What do you and orphans have in common?

Nobody loves you.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair and guess who came crawling back!

A girl walks up to her blind friend who she had not seen in a while and says: "Long time no see!"

What's the difference between your dad and the mailman? Nothing.

Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.