Relationship jokes

I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.

So I’m riding in the car with my dad and all of a sudden I smell something rank without warning.

My dad starts laughing at me.

Dad: “Son! That must have been an orphan fart! You know why?”

Me: “Why dad?”

Dad: “Because it ain’t got no pop!”

What makes a cult and a racist family of 5 common?

Not all are friends.

Are you a toaster, because I want to have a bath with you.

My wife and I’s gay marriage counselor advised us to watch porn together. So, we decided to try it out one day and search up lesbian shemale porn.

And that’s the day she found out she was a porn star.

I have an awesome sex drive. My girlfriend lives 40 miles away.

I was an orphan as a kid, and I'm pretty sure my favorite thing was seeing parents with their kids.

I think we know why.

Girl: Wanna come over to my house?

Orphan: I have to ask if my parents come home.

Orphans want girlfriends to call someone "Mommy."

#takemebacksophie

Why is Beast Boy so good at flying?

Terra hasn't forgiven him.

What's the best thing about an orphan GF?

You don't have to meet her parents.

What do girls and rocks have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some mairawanah.

Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna," but dumb-ass Jill forgot her pills, and now they have 12 kids.

What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?

Nothing, he just started wanking.

Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"

What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.

Why is Johnson’s baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?

- No more tears.

I have a girlfriend.

Me: Why am I an orphan?

Friend: I don't know.

Me: Ask your mom.