Relationship jokes

My wife left a note on the fridge. The note read, "It's not working." I don't know what she's talking about. I opened the fridge, and it worked fine!

What do girls and rocks have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some mairawanah.

Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna," but dumb-ass Jill forgot her pills, and now they have 12 kids.

What's the best thing about an orphan GF?

You don't have to meet her parents.

Why did Steven Hawking die?

His wife changed the WiFi password.

Me: Why am I an orphan?

Friend: I don't know.

Me: Ask your mom.

What's an orphan's family photo?

A selfie.

What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.

Why is Johnson’s baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?

- No more tears.

Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"

So I’m riding in the car with my dad and all of a sudden I smell something rank without warning.

My dad starts laughing at me.

Dad: “Son! That must have been an orphan fart! You know why?”

Me: “Why dad?”

Dad: “Because it ain’t got no pop!”

What makes a cult and a racist family of 5 common?

Not all are friends.

Are you a toaster, because I want to have a bath with you.

I have an awesome sex drive. My girlfriend lives 40 miles away.

I was an orphan as a kid, and I'm pretty sure my favorite thing was seeing parents with their kids.

I think we know why.

My wife and I’s gay marriage counselor advised us to watch porn together. So, we decided to try it out one day and search up lesbian shemale porn.

And that’s the day she found out she was a porn star.

Girl: Wanna come over to my house?

Orphan: I have to ask if my parents come home.

Orphans want girlfriends to call someone "Mommy."

Everybody is mad because that guy from Alberta punched a girl in a wheelchair.

I think he was upset because he found out his sister was cheating on him.

You: Knock knock. Other person: Who is there? You: Not your parents.