Relationship jokes
Guy: Say "I'm a man" every time I stop.
Person:
Guy: You walk into a bar.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You meet a girl.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You and the girl go to a hotel.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You guys go on a bed.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: She whispers into your ear...
Person: I'm a man!
Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.
Who am I rooting for during the Super Bowl? Easy. Taylor Swift.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sugar is sweet. And your mom is, too.
What’s the difference between rape and marriage?
With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman.
Random kid: Yo mama so stupid that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.
Orphan: What's a mama?
Random kid: *shook*
Why is my dick like a balloon?
The more you blow it, the bigger it gets.
What’s the best thing about fucking twenty-eight year olds?
There’s twenty of them!
Roses are red, Violets are blue... I fucked your mother's ass, and she had you.
Are you a volcano? Because you're hot and I really lava you!
What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?
Nothing, he just started wanking.
#takemebacksophie
I have an awesome sex drive. My girlfriend lives 40 miles away.
Are you a toaster, because I want to have a bath with you.
What makes a cult and a racist family of 5 common?
Not all are friends.
How did the man with a small penis become a rapist? His condom fell off.
Straight men change their girlfriends like they change their undies. So, about once a month.
I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.
Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"
So I’m riding in the car with my dad and all of a sudden I smell something rank without warning.
My dad starts laughing at me.
Dad: “Son! That must have been an orphan fart! You know why?”
Me: “Why dad?”
Dad: “Because it ain’t got no pop!”