Relationship jokes
I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.
#takemebacksophie
Straight men change their girlfriends like they change their undies. So, about once a month.
How did the man with a small penis become a rapist? His condom fell off.
Why are lesbians so bad at math? They can't multiply.
Memes
I have a girlfriend.
When you met her first before your parents met each other. (In the case of your mom dating her dad).
Why is Beast Boy so good at flying?
Terra hasn't forgiven him.
My wife left a note on the fridge. The note read, "It's not working." I don't know what she's talking about. I opened the fridge, and it worked fine!
What do girls and rocks have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some mairawanah.
Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna," but dumb-ass Jill forgot her pills, and now they have 12 kids.
What's the best thing about an orphan GF?
You don't have to meet her parents.
Why did Steven Hawking die?
His wife changed the WiFi password.
Me: Why am I an orphan?
Friend: I don't know.
Me: Ask your mom.
What's an orphan's family photo?
A selfie.
What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.
Why is Johnson’s baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?
- No more tears.
Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"
So I’m riding in the car with my dad and all of a sudden I smell something rank without warning.
My dad starts laughing at me.
Dad: “Son! That must have been an orphan fart! You know why?”
Me: “Why dad?”
Dad: “Because it ain’t got no pop!”
What makes a cult and a racist family of 5 common?
Not all are friends.