Relationship jokes

What's the only good part of your crush dying before you have the chance to bang her?

She can't say no!

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Not your dad?"

I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.

As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?

Unknown be like: "Wah wah, I'm too scared to talk to girls in real life, so I bully random tweens I find online to make me feel better... what a shame."

Why did my dad leave me?

Because I was gay.

I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."

A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."

When you are f***ing your girlfriend and then she tells you that you f**k like your guys' dad.

Then you f**k your mom and she says the same thing.

My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.

I'm feeling cannelloni right now.

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Without other people's dicks in it.

Sex is like show and tell: you show your pussy and dick, and then you tell each other how you feel.

An orphan girl's boyfriend broke up with her, what was his reason?

"If her parents didn't want her, why should I?"

I told my wife her eyebrows were too high.

She looked surprised.

Why can’t orphans have sex?

They have no one to call “daddy.”

When I went to the doctor, he pulled his wife in and said, "What do you see?"

I replied, "A fat bitch." He said, "Ok, your eyesight is perfect."

What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?

I don't have a girlfriend.

Like if you know an orphan.

Why did Hitler's girlfriend break up with him? He Hit-ler.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wipe his ass.

What's red, six inches long, and made my girlfriend cry when I fed it to her?

Her miscarriage.