Exodus

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face.

For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.

“Are you still holding the ladder?”

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me while he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

Dark Humor Is Just Like Water,

Some People Get It Some People Don't.

My ex was orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?

So I’m riding in the car with my dad and all of a sudden I smell something rank without warning.

My dad starts laughing at me.

Dad: “Son! That must have been an orphan fart! You know why?”

Me: “Why dad?”

Dad: “Because it ain’t got no pop!”

If you’re having a bad day, just punch an orphan.

Who are they going to tell? Their parents?

Today I saw a little boy wearing rags sitting on a curb.

I said, “Awww, are you an orphan”?

He said, “Yes, what gave me away?”

I said, “Your parents.”

Why don’t orphans play baseball?

They don’t know where home is.

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

Dam