Relationship jokes

Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!

So Joe was at the store and he was looking for a dildo.

Then he saw one made out of dick skin, so he grabbed it and uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh UhuhUhUhUhUhuHuHuHuHUHUHUHUHUHUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH went his mouth.

PENIS PENIS

My son said, "What rhymes with orange?"

I said, "No, it doesn't!"

"I love you." "You too, I love you!" 😍

Must be heartwrenching for a loyal husband to watch his wife dry shagging me on the living room carpet.

I mean, once she started, she couldn't get enough.

My stepsister is a big titty goth. Should I tap that?

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

What did Jim say to Jeff? "I killed your ham."

The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)

Before: Caring & Noble.

After: Chernobyl.

What can't a sniper say to his wife?

"I missed you."

Do you know the teacher that went up into space?

You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."

My dick is like the way home for an orphan, its length is never-ending.

A wife and husband had been on a strict diet, and the wife said, "You know, we've been good about our diet. Let's have a cheat night tonight." The wife came home with KFC and Wendy's. The husband came home with Sylvia from the office.

What’s the difference between a brick and redheads? Bricks get laid.

When you find out the stripper you're banging is a hooker, but you're saving money, so it's okay.

A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt, she says, "Oh, what chest!" "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby," he replies. Then he takes off his pants, she says, "Oh, what legs!" He says, "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running. He catches her and says, "Why were you running?" She said, "I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."

Why did Adam commit suicide? Andy went through the back door.

A kid gets home from school and finds his mom and dad having sex. The kid asks, "What are you doing, Dad?" The dad replies, "Having sex with your mom, son," and he starts laughing.

The next day, Dad gets home from work and finds his son having sex with his nan. The dad shouts, "What the hell are you doing, son?" The kid replies, "It's not funny when it's your mom, is it?"

Jacob likes fucking me and my mom.