Relationship jokes
Sister: You're adopted.
Me: At least they wanted me, they must feel terribly bad cuz they had to keep you :(
Today a girl asked me how big my dick is, so I asked how big her pussy is, and she said, "Come over to my house and find out!"
Pussies and tits have one thing in common: they're both made for kids, but men end up licking or suckling them.
Why can orphans have sex?
They have no one to call "daddy."
Why do Indian men marry fat women?
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
Fun fact: If you're an orphan, you probably don't know your parents.
Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister.
My wife walked in on me cheating on her and said, "How could you cheat on me?!" I said, "She was lying naked on the table what I was supposed to do?" and my wife responded with, "Perform the autopsy."
Bf: Do you love me?
Gf: Most of the time.
Bf: Well, it's either yes or no.
Gf:...
Bf: Well, when is it that you don't love me?
Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you go to the river an hour, then it takes me a half hour to love you again.
Bf: Why?
Gf: 'Cause you always see that OTHER GIRL.
Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!!
Gf: Ohh...
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marrahwanah.
Jack got high, slapped her thigh, and then they had some fun.
Jill forgot to take her pills, and now they have a son.
John took a bath with bubbles.
Bubbles was a man.
A guy goes to Starbucks and asks, "Hey, if I can make you laugh, I don’t have to pay." The girl in the window says, "Okay." The guy says, "A little boy named Timmy lost his arms." The girl says, "Oh no!" The guy says, "And his dad left him when he was 4." The girl says, "Uhh yeah." The guy says, "Okay, I guess I’ll be paying then." The girl asks, "Okay, and what name will that be under?" The guy says, "Timmy, I’m Timmy."
I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked, "What are you doing?" She replied, "Making a Creampie."
Sex.
Jack and Jill went up a hill. His condom ripped, and now they are from Alabama.
I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.
Haven't had sex since I got out of jail; although sex in jail wasn't that great, either.
I like my girls like my coffee: Flat and white.
Kid: Hey, Dad.
Dad: You're an hour late.
Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.
Dad: By yourself?
Kid: No.
Dad: A boy?
Kid: I was with the teacher.