A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.
Relationship Jokes
The other day I went on a romantic cruise in Hawaii. Then I met my girl Zendaya on board. She was shaking her ass and playing with her penis. Then she asked me, "Hey, you wanna make love in the cabin?" I said, "Sure, sweet thang," gave me her number, kissed me on the cheek. Next day she woke up because it was a romantic nightmare.
I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.
I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.
My girlfriend left a note on the TV saying, "This isn't working!" I don't know what she's talking about, the TV works perfectly fine.
My uncle is an alchemist.
He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.
My friends told me to stop making suicide jokes, so I hanged on.
We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:
1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.
2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.
3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).
What do you call an orphan's family picture? A self-portrait.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "Daddy!"
I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
My family is like treasure; you need a map and a shovel to find them.
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.
What do you call an orphan’s picture?
A family photo.
Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.
He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"
She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."
What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."
I like telling jokes about orphans. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
