Relationship jokes
My girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me eating a banana with my butt........
IMAGINE!
What's worse, being loved or hated? 'Cause when you're loved you could be left alone or be betrayed, but when you're hated no one's there to leave you. What do you think?
I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
Which was good, he died to a landmine.
Al Fayed’s son arrives at heaven’s gates and sees his driver.
He shouts “you stupid cunt!”
The driver says, “Watch, Boss?”
Dodi replies...:
“I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL!”
I asked what was her favorite type of magic. She said, "the one you make."
Where's my sister's friend? Oh, I forgot, we are in Alabama.
My wife asked me to connect more on my feminine side. So I crashed our car and fucked my trainer.
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
The mailman came to drop the mail off.
Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.
Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."
Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."
Why do trees always gotta leave me hanging?
What do you call a downy who can't get a girlfriend?
Down bad.
Yeah, Eli is hot.
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”
Patient: “OK.”
Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife!”
My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Why is Ronnie Anne in love with Lincoln? Because he has a fat nugen.
Hey, can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives you two nights in a row.
A young boy walked up to his dad and asked, "Daddy, why are you banned from coming to elementary school?"
The dad calmly replies, "Because that's how I met your mother."
Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.
What is the difference between Harry Houdini and everyone else in my life? Harry was the only person not to disappear.
"Freshfry, please leave me and prince alone! I never asked you to join our chat!"