Relationship jokes

When I say, "Daddy," my stepbrother raises his head.

They say making and having friends comes with some benefits. I guess you could say I have friends with benefits.

My dad is nice!

Did you hear about the guy that went to a nudist colony? The first day was his hardest.

Mom: I was an orphan once. The kid: Oh, ok, idgaf. Mom: And you're gonna be too! :) The kid: Ok, idgaf- WAIT WHAT THE FU-

When your parents say, "We are sorry that you are here," what do you think of that?

I think that you're an accident!

You must have a good power supply, because you're easy to turn on!

Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.

My dad and I have been playing hide and seek.

It's been 15 years and I still haven't found him.

Your nan.

She later made me a sandwich, and she cut the crust off it.

What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.

Dating 101:

Here's what you do:

1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.

Girls are like blackjack.

I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.

As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."

Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.

Her: I am scared!

Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.

"WASSUP GIRLS IF I FIND YOU I'LL GLADLY FUCK YOU;]"

I could never fall out of a boat because I've already fallen for you.

Your hairline is so far back, just like your dad is from you.

My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.

Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."