Relationship jokes

Why can’t orphans be married?

Because they won’t have their parents' blessings.

Yo momma's so ugly, when she threw a boomerang, it refused to come back.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. She came crawling back!

“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.

I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”

Queen Elizabeth came back before your dad did.

What are the similarities between a blind person and an orphan?

Neither can see their parents.

Man, I don’t need Viagra when I see Mara!

Want to know how a joke becomes a dad joke? Just wait for it to leave you and never come back.

I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.

I found a lot of matches.

Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.

I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.

I guess you can say she had me in a trans.

My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.

You’re so fine that my zipper is falling for you.

Is your name winter? Because you’ll be cumming soon.

What do you do after fucking the loosest pussy ever?

Close the casket.

Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?

Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.

You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!

What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.

Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.

What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?

They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.