Magic Jokes

in Puns

a mexican was doing a magic trick he said “uno, dos,” then disappeared without a trace


Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate? I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.


What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador

in Priest

What is a priests favorite song --Magic flute in A minor

in Puns

Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “what ever you wish for comes true once you slide down”. One kid stepped up and slid down, he wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river. The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money, he then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee”!

Dark Humormanguydude

A guy walks into a magical forest looking to cut down a tree. The best one he can find is a magical talking tree. He holds his axe up ready to slice and begins to swing when the tree says " Stop ye Im a magical tree you can't cut me." "I'm a magical tree!" the man mocks then as he goes to swing the axe he says,"you may be a magical tree... But you will dialog!"

A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!". The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."


What do you call a magician who has lost their magic?


in Anti-jokes

What do call a magic owl


Pup the Pikachu

Them: You want some Lucky Harms?

Me: What are Lucky Harms?

Them: They're Lucky charms, but instead of being magically delicious, they're magically malicious.

in Animal

What kind of dog can do magic tricks? -- A labracadabrador.

Kinda sus

I asked what was her favourite type of magic she said “the one you make”

nia theme song

chicken on a stick with a macaroiny tick

Vicky manson

A guy goes onto a rooftop bar, and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks "What's so magical about it?" the guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. the other tries, but falls of and dies.

The bartender shakes his head, and says.

"Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk superman.


The mirror says: if you break me, you will have 3 years of bad luck.

The Magic Jewel says: if you break me, you will have 10 years of bad luck.

The condom just sitting there laughing.


So a woman walks into a magician's toy store and browses the collection. Among which was a black, phallic-looking object. She brings it to the counter and asks, "what's this?". The cashier explains that it's a magical dildo that will listen to whatever you say, "fuck me in the ass", it'll float in the air and fuck you in the ass, "fuck me in the pussy", it'll float in the air and fuck you in the pussy, "faster", it'll go faster, "harder", it'll go harder. She bought this magical artifact and went home for a night of fun and pleasure.

After receiving several orgasms from the magical dildo, she'd had enough, and she told it to stop, but it didn't. The dildo continued to penetrate her, it would go harder and faster, but it refused to stop or slow down. In a panic, she ran over to her car and drove to the hostpital to get it surgically removed. Her panic made her disregard the traffic rules, and she quickly found herself pulled over by a cop. As she pulled down her window, the cop leaned towards the door and asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going!?", the woman tried to explain the situation, she told the officer about the magical dildo stuck in her pussy, but the officer didn't believe her, "magical dildo, my ass" he said, and the lady drove home.

Grandpa 👨‍❤️‍👨🌴🥳🥝👨‍❤️‍👨🥝 Kenwood
in Orphan

What’s a orphans favorite cereal.

Because it’s the only magical sting in his life


What do you get when you mix Harry Houdini, a basketball and the 17th president?

Magic Johnson.


"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."

"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."