"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"
Hate Jokes
Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them... But I was just wondering... should I keep the letters?
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.
I hate two-faced people because I don't know which face to slap first.
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land.
I'm not saying I hate you, but if you got hit by a bus, I'd be driving that bus.
Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?
Because the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population.
You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll.
I hate myself.
What show does an orphan hate?
Family Guy.
Why do orphans hate going to Costco? Because they need a parent to get samples.
I hate when I lose my white friends in the snow and my black friends in the dark. Where do I lose my friends from Afghanistan?
In an explosion.
Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: Why? Friend: I'm color blind.
I like when people say they hate me because we have something in common. <3
I really hate waiting to die... It's taking a lifetime.
Why doesn't my egg want to crack?
Because I hate my egg-sistence.
What do skeletons hate the most about wind?
Nothing, it goes right through them.
I hate writing dwarf jokes, but I normally keep them short.
Let's tell a secret about each other... I'll go first.
I
hate
you!
Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she replied with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...”.
Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said Sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****,” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is, and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed.
The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is, and he answered with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!”
As Sam arrived at the counselor’s office, she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****,” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.
