Hate jokes

"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"

Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them... But I was just wondering... should I keep the letters?

You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll.

I hate two-faced people because I don't know which face to slap first.

What show does an orphan hate?

Family Guy.

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.

Why do Native Americans hate snow? Because it's white and settles on their land.

I'm not saying I hate you, but if you got hit by a bus, I'd be driving that bus.

I like when people say they hate me because we have something in common. <3

Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: Why? Friend: I'm color blind.

Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?

Because the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population.

Let's tell a secret about each other... I'll go first.

I

hate

you!

I hate myself.

I hate my wife.

*cue laugh*

Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she replied with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...”.

Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said Sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****,” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is, and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed.

The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is, and he answered with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!”

As Sam arrived at the counselor’s office, she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****,” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.

I hate family reunions.

I see too many of my ex's there.

Watersharky, do you hate me?????

Kariana: Dad and mom, what is this bullshit?

Treon: How did you find that?!

Kariana: It was under the cabinet where you told me to put the streamers. I found these under the cabinet, did she have another sister you didn't tell me about? Now tell the truth, or else!

Petina: Now what have we told you about going into things that are not yours!

Kariana: I just told you to say the fricking truth, now who is Faineni? Where is she? Who is she? What is her date of birth? Why do I have her bra under here and why....IS IT UNDER THE FRICKING CABINET!!!!! ANSWER ME!!!!!!!!!

Treon: We can't!

Kariana: BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!

I am really hot, but I hate water. What am I?

What's the difference between me and the rest of America?

I love one and hate the other.