Relationship jokes

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.

"Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Not your dad."Random kid: "My dad went to get milk. My mom said he will be back soon."

I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!

And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.

We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.

"You have to do this," and my sister said, "Well, I don't care."

And I said, "Well, you care enough to respond back, oh my gosh!"

Are you happy to see me, or is that a bomb strapped to your chest and a detonator in your hand?

I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes.

He hugged me!

Love you baby :^

How do you know when you're disliked?

When they always give you the camera for group photos.

This orphan showed me a family photo.

But it was just a selfie.

What did the baseball ⚾️ say to the bat?

“We should touch base.”

I don't know, I don't have one.

Hey girl, are you my boss? 'Cause you just gave me a raise.

A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it’s too long."

Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you’ll never get it."

I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.

I was about to run and tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden...

What do both a hooker and a customer have in common? They come onto each other.

Mert has no dad.

Raihan fucks Ahmed who fucks Zupporah.

What does an orphan call a family picture?

Answer: a selfie.

I will be back, I'm gonna get milk...

Me:...