Relationship jokes

I once cummed on my boyfriend's dick. { puts an eggplant emoji }

I like to watch porn too ;)

Dad, I love you.

Son, I love you.

How did number 1 kindly make number 2?

I got my was kicked, let's be friends?

Ur mom gay.

Husband: Hey, my dear, this lunch is great. Where did you find the recipe?

Wife: In a detective novel.

Akeld, just want you to know: Leave me and Gwen alone.

Real me.

I dated a girl, and I didn’t know she was previously in an abusive relationship.

I thought she just REALLY hated high-fives.

What did a tree do for a human rights day at a tree?

I had no time today after a night with you today, but you walk away.

A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"

Guess why orphans can't be gay? Cause they have no one to call Daddy.

Man: Can you be my girlfriend?

Woman: I'm lesbian, sorry.

Man: Oh, here's your rope.

How come none of my friends have dungeons? Oddly enough, they all have "rape dungeons."

How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?

You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.

Sorry.

I took my brother's vape, and now he is on the ground gasping for air. He acts like he is dying.

What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.

He said he didn't want to be my brother anymore.

He's now my sister.

So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.

Her boyfriend said "Hi."

I said, "Knife to meet you!"

*walks into sex shop*

Hello. I would like to buy 1 sex, please.

"Your mum has very small balls. Congrats! I told her, your balls are bigger than your husband's."

Bully: I can't understand you because I don't speak ugly language.

Me: And I don't speak idiot language.