Relationship jokes
My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!
My girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me eating a banana with my butt........
IMAGINE!
A black man walked into a bar. Another guy invited him over for a drink. They spent the rest of the night drinking and having a good time.
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car, then didn't talk to her for the rest of the day for no reason.
What's the difference between me and a rope?
A rope will hang with you.
I love my family when they're buried alive.
So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"
The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"
What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?
I don't have a girlfriend.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy, but in the end, Jack got a face full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.
My girlfriend broke up with me this morning, and we just started dating yesterday.
Now she's having a breakfast.
I went home one day. My mom said, "Look what a few guys got me." It was a MILF trophy.
My mom asked what does that mean. So I said, "Mom's I'd Like To Fuck." Then my mom said, "These guys want to fuck me?" I said, "Yeah." Then my mom said, "I still got it!"
Prince, can we please chat now? Pls, pls! Love you!
Roses are red, your penis is blue, the bed sheet has turned a different color, too.
My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.
A young man was crossing the road when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess." The man took the frog, smiled at it, and put it in his wallet.
The frog called out again, "If you kiss me and I turn into a princess, I will live with you for a week and do everything you want." The young man took the frog out, smiled, and put it back.
Then the frog called out, "Okay, okay! I will be with you and do whatever you want forever!" The young man laughed and put it back in his wallet.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is wrong with you? I'm offering to be a beautiful princess! Why won't you kiss me?"
The young man said, "Listen, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is pretty cool."
If you're ever bored, adopt an orphan. What is he going to do, be kissed by Vedanta?
What do a doctor and a girlfriend/boyfriend have in common?
They both break your heart.
Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her… so I said yes.
Doin' ya mom oh yeah oh yeah, doin' doin' ya mom!
My dad left for milk 4 hours ago, anyone know where he is?