Relationship jokes
Are you a keyboard, because I wanna tap you all night long.
What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?
"Will there be seconds?"
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.
Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."
Memes
I wish death was in the form of a woman.
That way, it would never come for me.
The media's relationship with Hillary is just like Bill's relationship with Hillary. The relationship is unwanted and forced, and they'll move on to the next person any chance they get.
3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
Why do women love Chinese food? Because WON TON spelled backward is NOT NOW!
NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?
'Cause it's a place to eat.
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
What is the difference between a broom and a mop?
It’s hard to beat my girlfriend when she’s holding the mop.
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.
What did Cinderella say to Prince Charming?
"Want to see if it fits?"
My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:
roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
Girls are like blackjack.
I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.
My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.
I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.