Relationship jokes
My girlfriend left a note on the TV saying, "This isn't working!" I don't know what she's talking about, the TV works perfectly fine.
My uncle is an alchemist.
He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.
My friends told me to stop making suicide jokes, so I hanged on.
We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:
1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.
2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.
3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).
What do you call an orphan's family picture? A self-portrait.
Memes
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "Daddy!"
I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
My family is like treasure; you need a map and a shovel to find them.
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.
What do you call an orphan’s picture?
A family photo.
Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.
He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"
She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."
What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."
I like telling jokes about orphans. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.
If you have a girlfriend/crush that's shorter than you, go up to her and say, "You're short, lemme add some inches."
Your hairline bent like the relationship with your mom and dad.
I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"
Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"
My girlfriend said I was a ped0phi1e.
That's a big word for a 6 year old!