Relationship jokes

Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.

My dad and I have been playing hide and seek.

It's been 15 years and I still haven't found him.

Your nan.

She later made me a sandwich, and she cut the crust off it.

What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.

Dating 101:

Here's what you do:

1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.

Girls are like blackjack.

I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.

As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."

Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.

Her: I am scared!

Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.

"WASSUP GIRLS IF I FIND YOU I'LL GLADLY FUCK YOU;]"

I could never fall out of a boat because I've already fallen for you.

Your hairline is so far back, just like your dad is from you.

My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.

Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."

I wish death was in the form of a woman.

That way, it would never come for me.

I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.

A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."

Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

'Cause it's a place to eat.

Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?

In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.

What do you do after fucking the loosest pussy ever?

Close the casket.

My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:

roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.