Relationship jokes
Why couldn't Sally get back up? Because she has no friends.
Hi! I love when you walk in and out the door at night. I did not.
Okay Air Attack Productions... Beat This-Falling-By watersharky Productions and TD.
My last made me feel like I would never try again, But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt, Come closer, I'll give you all my love, If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything, My last made me feel like I would never try again, But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt, Come closer, I'll give you all my love, If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything, Talk to me, I need to hear you need me like I need ya, Fall for me, I wanna know you feel how I feel for you, love, Before you, baby, I was numb, drowned out pain by pouring up, Speeding fast on the run, never want to get caught up, Now you the one that I'm calling, Swore that I'd never fall again, don't think I'm just talking, I think I might go all in, no exceptions, girl, I need ya, Think I'm out of my mind, 'cause I can't get enough, Only one that I give my time, 'cause I got eyes for ya, Might make an exception for ya, 'cause I been feeling ya, Think I might be out of my mind, I think that you're the one, My last made me feel like I would never try again, But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt, Come closer, I'll give you all my love, If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything, My last made me feel like I would never try again, But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt, Come closer, I'll give you all my love, If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything, I'll never give my all again, 'Cause I'm sick of falling down, When I open up and give my trust, They find a way to break it down, Tear me up inside, and you break me down.
Me: I’m going to get burrito 🌯
Friend: You can have my burrito baby.
Gay.
Friend: *begins to moan*
Me: Finna hang up.
My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
I love you, my new phone! 📲
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
What's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?
What’s something you can say about vacation, but not about your girlfriend?
Next time I’m bringing all my friends.
She be hubba on my bubba till I gum.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Get over here so I can fuck you.
What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?
Women can't take a joke!
You are my compass; without you, I’m lost.
A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.
To not be outdone, the blond retorts:
"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"
Never got a mother's love, lol.
One time in camp, I kissed my bunkmate Bret in the shower. He cupped my breasts and lathered them in Prell, but I'm totally not gay... :)
What do you call a seven who's not feeling well? A sick seven
Where did Sally go after stepping onto the minefield? Everywhere
Getting a girlfriend is just like parking a car; usually all the good ones are taken, so you just gotta stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
My girlfriend used to give the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.
Dad: Son, I came back.
Son: Where is the milk?
Dad: Time for another 10 years.
A man is digging in his garden and finds a gold chest. He goes to tell his wife.
Then he remembers why he was digging in the garden...