Relationship jokes

Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.

What did the orphan say to his stepmom?

"I need help."

What do you tell twins that are in love with each other?

Go fuck yourselves!

Have you ever had a friend who masturbated many times? I had one who did a lot, but he had no imagination... when he masturbated, he imagines his hand.

A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."

Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

Is it just me, or are you the prettiest person I've seen today?

Chat date for Tenya and Jordan.

There are times I miss you, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.

What does an orphan call a family picture?

Answer: a selfie.

They say making and having friends comes with some benefits. I guess you could say I have friends with benefits.

My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.

Denki: Hey, Mineta, I have a joke for you.

Mineta: Go on.

Denki: Uraraka's booty.

Mineta: I don't get it.

Denki: Exactly.

Mineta: ^cries T_T^

You must have a good power supply, because you're easy to turn on!

When your parents say, "We are sorry that you are here," what do you think of that?

I think that you're an accident!

My dad and I have been playing hide and seek.

It's been 15 years and I still haven't found him.

Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

Mom: I was an orphan once. The kid: Oh, ok, idgaf. Mom: And you're gonna be too! :) The kid: Ok, idgaf- WAIT WHAT THE FU-

When I say, "Daddy," my stepbrother raises his head.