Relationship jokes

I wish death was in the form of a woman.

That way, it would never come for me.

I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.

A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

Yo mama so slutty the abortion clinic gave her a loyalty card and coupon for 20% off her next abortion.

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

'Cause it's a place to eat.

Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?

In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.

What do you do after fucking the loosest pussy ever?

Close the casket.

Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Ken came in another box.

What did Cinderella say to Prince Charming?

"Want to see if it fits?"

My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:

roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.

It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.

You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?

When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...

...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)

The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"

The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"

The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"

The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"

The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"

A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.

The other day I went on a romantic cruise in Hawaii. Then I met my girl Zendaya on board. She was shaking her ass and playing with her penis. Then she asked me, "Hey, you wanna make love in the cabin?" I said, "Sure, sweet thang," gave me her number, kissed me on the cheek. Next day she woke up because it was a romantic nightmare.

I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.

I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......

Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!

So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.

Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?

Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.