Puns

I like plants, but then I decided to turn over a new leaf and branch out.

Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.

Someone else: How was it?

Me: It's a long story.

Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.

I made sure it didn't outsmart me.

I have so many cash machine jokes.

But none of them seem to work ATM.

Why don't Jedi like their female relatives?

Because they are Sith-ters.

What's the difference between the Grand Canyon and a blonde?

The Grand Canyon is a busy ditch.

I would tell you my jokes about pogs, but they would eventually get too boar-ing.

What do you call a stick with a string on the end of it?

A fishing pole.

He: I'm Nike, and you're McDonalds.

She: Why?

He: 'Cause I'm doing it, and you're loving it. :)

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job!

TFW you're having sex with your German girlfriend and she won't stop telling you her age.

What's the most horrifying video in the world?

Logan Paul vlogs.

What does a pirate say to his girlfriend?

I want your booty!

What's the difference between you and Hitler? At least he knows how to use an oven.

What planets do Astronauts like to pee on?

Uranus!

(Say this out loud and it will make more sense.)

What's the difference between a fish and a car?

You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3

Why did Sally fall off the swings?

Because she had no arms.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally!

Quin loves Robin. All he says is "Robin." This isn't a joke; Quin's gay.

So, apparently, Hitler's dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.

Guess that's why he's called (Hit)ler.

What does a glass of water ask a pond?

"Water you doing?"

What does the pond answer?

"Pondering life."