Puns

I forgot my lucky egg! It always gives me an eggcellent amount of luck!

My grandma always loved to craft clothing. She dyed last week.

Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.

What do you call it when tectonic plates start racing?

Continental Drift.

Where’s the best place to put a Christmas tree?

In between Christmas two and Christmas four. 😉😂😂

If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?

I was really rooting to tell that one.

My life.

Why did the bike fall over?

Because it was two tired.

You know why I hate paper? It's TEAR-able to the environment.

So a mushroom walks in a bar and the waiter says, "You can't be here."

And the mushroom says, "Why? I'm a fungi!"

Monkey: What ya doing?

Other monkey: Just you know, "hanging around."

Bad joke, right? I just can't think of something amazing. It's like my brain is "hanging."

I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow, but when I woke up, my pillow was gone!

My friend had a drink called Quick Start, so I said, "That's a quick start to the morning!"

Why do animals have playing cards with foxes?

Because they’re a bunch of cheetahs!

What kind of instrument is always having to go potty?

A pee-ano/piano.

Belief in Egyptian gods is just Ra-ng (wrong). 😁

I tried to play with rock, but it was hard.

Why did Bob go to the store? To bob for apples.

Why did the child cross the road?

To get to the other slide.

So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.

Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?

Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.

Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.

Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!

Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.

Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...

NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!