Puns

My grandma always loved to craft clothing. She dyed last week.

My friend Richard is always bullying all the little kids in the neighborhood. He is such a dick.

Why don't some people like pennies?

Because it's common cents.

A guy cut me in the lunch line. After that, a rock was thrown at him by my friend.

Have you heard of bees? They're bee-utiful!

Why did the bike fall over?

Because it was two tired.

So a mushroom walks in a bar and the waiter says, "You can't be here."

And the mushroom says, "Why? I'm a fungi!"

I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow, but when I woke up, my pillow was gone!

Monkey: What ya doing?

Other monkey: Just you know, "hanging around."

Bad joke, right? I just can't think of something amazing. It's like my brain is "hanging."

You know why I hate paper? It's TEAR-able to the environment.

My friend had a drink called Quick Start, so I said, "That's a quick start to the morning!"

Why do animals have playing cards with foxes?

Because they’re a bunch of cheetahs!

What kind of instrument is always having to go potty?

A pee-ano/piano.

I tried to play with rock, but it was hard.

Why did Bob go to the store? To bob for apples.

Why did the child cross the road?

To get to the other slide.

So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.

Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?

Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.

Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.

Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!

Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.

Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...

NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!

A girl named Rebecca was friends with a guy called Fi. One day, Fi hit Rebecca, and Rebecca lost service.

Rebecca said to Fi, "Why-Fi?"

The earth is not round.

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My grandfather has the heart of a lion... and a lifetime ban from the zoo.