Puns
My grandfather has the heart of a lion... and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
What is a ghost's favorite cake?
I scream cake!
I sleep in a castle once every 2 weeks.
It's my fort knight.
What did the girl say to the man with a moustache?
I moustache you a question.
Do you want to know the most racist game? Chess. You wanna know why? Because they never let black go first. I wonder why... lmao.
Dang... if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put D IN U ;)
I only know there are 25 letters in the alphabet, I don't know Y.
(Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?) -- (Friend: 11- T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T)
(Me: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?) -- (Crush: No, there is actually 26.) -- (Me: oooOoh, I forgot u r a qt! So its acdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz?) -- (Crush: You forgot the D) -- (Me: That's not needed yet ;])
What letter is really hot? T
C = cOCK O = CoCK C = COcK K = COCk COCK = cock cock = COCK
ME SExUAL SRrY LoL
I know a good airplane joke, but it will probably go over your head.
Twin Towers: "No, it won't."
Puns, that's how I roll.
You have been a bad boy, so now I will have to pun-ish you!
What was the doctor's diagnosis on a dinosaur with a low sex drive? Teraerectile dysfunction.
A skeleton walks into a bar and said it takes "backbone" to mess with me, and if you try to insult me, I have thick skin.
Dr. Dre caught his friend Snoop Dogg looking in other people's drawers. Dre then said, "Don't Snoop around."
Video game company names always make me make puns I didn't intend to.
I fell into a water bed with super soil. Next thing I'm in a flower bed.
Never joke about 9/11, they'll just crash and burn.
A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970, and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband.
She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.
Wait, what? Was he actually her husband?
He was a Christian, so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.
Wait, what? The Bible doesn't say that.
Actually yes, it does, and marital rape was legal until 1990.
WAIT WHAT? That's not funny.
I'll tell ya what's funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.
What kind of paper gets stuck to your foot?
DUH! A sticker.
What do you call an atheist bone? -- A blasfemur.
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest.