Puns
What do you call someone with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
America: I'm going to build a wall.
Nazi: Been there.
Soviet Union: Done that.
Why did the squirrel swim on its back?
So it didn't get its nuts wet.
What is a rabbit's favorite type of jewelry?
Carats.
Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?
It's an ARMadillo.
What's a cat's favorite color? Purr-ple.
All these sea monster jokes are just kraken me up.
Can we have a party in space?
First, we need to planet ;)
Get it? "Plan it" = planet.
What happens when two pieces of bread from the same loaf have sex?
They become in-bread.
I met a really greedy oyster. It was quite shellfish.
What song was played at the flatulent centenarian's birthday? Candle in the Wind!
"Are you taco to me? I nacho friend."
I was in a maze and I got to the end and they congratulated me. I said that was a-maze-ing!
My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.
I read a story about a rabbit being raised. It was a hare-raising tale!
Question: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Answer: Because they taste funny!
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me!"
Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar?
I hear they got six months each.
Did you hear about the band Manhole? I hear they're a metal cover.