Puns

So, apparently, Hitler's dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.

Guess that's why he's called (Hit)ler.

What does a glass of water ask a pond?

"Water you doing?"

What does the pond answer?

"Pondering life."

What do you call someone with a rubber toe?

Roberto.

America: I'm going to build a wall.

Nazi: Been there.

Soviet Union: Done that.

Why did the squirrel swim on its back?

So it didn't get its nuts wet.

What's a cat's favorite color? Purr-ple.

What is a rabbit's favorite type of jewelry?

Carats.

All these sea monster jokes are just kraken me up.

Can we have a party in space?

First, we need to planet ;)

Get it? "Plan it" = planet.

What happens when two pieces of bread from the same loaf have sex?

They become in-bread.

I met a really greedy oyster. It was quite shellfish.

What song was played at the flatulent centenarian's birthday? Candle in the Wind!

My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.

"Are you taco to me? I nacho friend."

I was in a maze and I got to the end and they congratulated me. I said that was a-maze-ing!

I read a story about a rabbit being raised. It was a hare-raising tale!

Question: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

Answer: Because they taste funny!

What did one casket say to the other casket?

"Is that you coughin'?"

"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me!"

Did you hear about the band Manhole? I hear they're a metal cover.