Puns

Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?

Rip Van Tinkle.

I have no puns because I don't play soccer.

I'd tell a science joke, but I was like, "Nah, it would get no reaction."

I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.

What did the ferret say after his family was questioned by police?

It's none of your business!

Q: What is the opposite of 'Dominos'?

A: Domi doesn't know!

I told my friend to look at the clock, then I said, "Is this a bad time?"

Q: A guy walks into a bar, what does he say?

A: Ow!

So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"

Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?

I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.

I like plants, but then I decided to turn over a new leaf and branch out.

Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.

Someone else: How was it?

Me: It's a long story.

A dog talks to another dog and says,

"Wow, you're a hot dog!"

What did the angler say to his students at the end of his fishing class?

Catch you later!

What do you call a wild party in a bamboo forest?

Panda-monium!

Why did the chili blush?

Because it was so hot!

So I went to the gym and I found a hymn.

I have some jokes about popcorn.

Nah, they're too corny.

What did the melon say to the avocado when he proposed?

Can't elope.

What do you call a stick with a string on the end of it?

A fishing pole.