Puns
I have some jokes about popcorn.
Nah, they're too corny.
So I went to the gym and I found a hymn.
What do you call a stick with a string on the end of it?
A fishing pole.
My dignity to live.
I like plants, but then I decided to turn over a new leaf and branch out.
I need to get new shoes; one of these isn’t right.
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
He: I'm Nike, and you're McDonalds.
She: Why?
He: 'Cause I'm doing it, and you're loving it. :)
Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.
I made sure it didn't outsmart me.
Why don't Jedi like their female relatives?
Because they are Sith-ters.
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A tromboner.
I have no puns because I don't play soccer.
I'd tell a science joke, but I was like, "Nah, it would get no reaction."
What did the skeleton play when he joined the band?
A tromBONE.
Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?
Rip Van Tinkle.
What did the pencil say to the other pencil?
Your looking sharp!
What do you call a wild party in a bamboo forest?
Panda-monium!
Q: What is the opposite of 'Dominos'?
A: Domi doesn't know!
I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.
Why did the chili blush?
Because it was so hot!