Puns
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a needle.
Doctor: I see your point!
Bill was on a hill. What a hillbilly!
Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?
I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.
I need to get new shoes; one of these isn’t right.
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A tromboner.
Knock knock. Who's there? Ach. Ach who? Bless you!
What did the skeleton play when he joined the band?
A tromBONE.
Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?
Rip Van Tinkle.
I have no puns because I don't play soccer.
I'd tell a science joke, but I was like, "Nah, it would get no reaction."
I searched on Google, "How to start a wildfire?"
I got 39,300,000 matches.
Who are voting for this election? I'm voting for Tricity, so vote for Tricity. Electricity!
So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"
What did the mermaid wear for math class?
Algaebra.
What did the pencil say to the other pencil?
Your looking sharp!
Why did the chili blush?
Because it was so hot!
What did the angler say to his students at the end of his fishing class?
Catch you later!
I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.
What do you call a wild party in a bamboo forest?
Panda-monium!