Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?
Rip Van Tinkle.
Puns
I have no puns because I don't play soccer.
I'd tell a science joke, but I was like, "Nah, it would get no reaction."
I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.
What did the ferret say after his family was questioned by police?
It's none of your business!
Q: What is the opposite of 'Dominos'?
A: Domi doesn't know!
I told my friend to look at the clock, then I said, "Is this a bad time?"
Q: A guy walks into a bar, what does he say?
A: Ow!
So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"
Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?
I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.
I like plants, but then I decided to turn over a new leaf and branch out.
Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.
Someone else: How was it?
Me: It's a long story.
A dog talks to another dog and says,
"Wow, you're a hot dog!"
What did the angler say to his students at the end of his fishing class?
Catch you later!
What do you call a wild party in a bamboo forest?
Panda-monium!
Why did the chili blush?
Because it was so hot!
So I went to the gym and I found a hymn.
I have some jokes about popcorn.
Nah, they're too corny.
What did the melon say to the avocado when he proposed?
Can't elope.
What do you call a stick with a string on the end of it?
A fishing pole.
