Puns
What do you call frozen web?
A web-cicle.
My grades.
I taught my dog how to play the trumpet on the London Underground over the weekend.
He went from Barking to Tooting in just under 20 minutes.
A man walked into a fleshlight and died.
Why do only guys have fun? There's only the word "penis" in happiness.
My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
What would you name your pet rabbit?
Harry.
sans *a'm i pune*
*piris* no.
What do you call a sociopath who damages a box of Wheaties? A cereal criminal!
My friend had a house FULL of okra, but it blew up and okra was everywhere.
I guess you can call that place Okra-homa!
What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?
"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."
I could tell you the one about the broken pencil... but it's pointless.
"Racccccccccccccccccccccoccoooocoooocoooooooooooocoooooo this is my song."
What do you call a bad "egg" meme?
Deep fried!
Q: Have you ever felt a window?
A: Did you feel the pane?
One day a fh iufh uig8v cdy ufh pufvbf ufiu pofiu9fh fiv9fd and a ihefipuivbrivbvhbuirhvbifbvirvueuvgevuebvuerevheubyebubv8ub and a uhckebckjebicbevivhcbehvhbeuybvuebvubvbevcb and one uchercvievciouevihevc98f9p8r78797t587t987dbgioubriogbrihj and they all say we are hacks.
Do you know where time is? Because it keeps flying by.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Yes, because a house doesn’t jump.
How does an artist fill in a CV?
He draws on experience.