Puns
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake!
Why don't fish play basketball?
Because they're scared of the net!
Why can't you play the guitar on a fish?
Because you can't tuna fish!
What do you call an American bee?
A USB!
What fruit likes to go down the slide?
Kiwiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
That's all my jokes in mind, y'all!
What do you call a disabled man with a gun?
"Special forces."
How Bibi celebrates Valentine's Day:
“I want to nutinyahu.”
“I’d blow up a school for you.”
“Can I be your ‘chosen person?’ 👉👈”
“I wanna bibi inside yo pp.”
My sister saved a guy from suicide last week.
She was hiking and the guy was on the ridge of a high, narrow cliff. She talked him down, but I think he was just being edgy.
Today I heard someone playing "Dancing Queen" on the didgeridoo.
It was very Abba-riginal.
What kind of beer is an orphan's favorite?
Foster's!
What do you get from a co-worker with epilepsy for being accused of harassment? A "seize" and desist letter.
What kind of car does an Indian person drive? A Pri-yas.
I just got a taste of Kingston, Ontario's only transgender restaurant: 664 Bath. A Dairy Queen who used to be a Burger King.
What do you call a rude math teacher with a lisp?
A mathive dick.
I wanted to make a joke about dandruff.
People are still scratching their heads over it.
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What do you call a seven who's not feeling well? A sick seven
Where did Sally go after stepping onto the minefield? Everywhere
Getting a girlfriend is just like parking a car; usually all the good ones are taken, so you just gotta stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
What would Hitler do if he was in Minecraft?
Mien.
I wasn't gonna tell another Epstein joke but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging.
Q. What happens when a pedophile spills his coffee? A. It leaves an EP-stain.
Why was Balls afraid of Magic?
Because Magic eight Balls.
What is missing on an orphanage computer? The motherboard.
Anal intercourse is for assholes.
I have a joke about suicide, but I’ll just let it hang.