Punishment jokes

My mom has a policy where if you kill a butterfly, no butter for a week, and if you kill a grub, no grub for a week. She killed a cockroach today. I have some bad news for her.

I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.

It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.

If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.

If you kill someone, that's murder.

If you kill a family member, that's still murder.

If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."

My brother wanted to go fishing. I told him he had to learn how to "master bait". Go look it up on YouTube. Guess who is grounded?

Somebody stole my joke.

So I stole their spinal cord.

I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...

I know, I'm going to hell!

Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.

Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

By rearranging the furniture.

How do you punish blind kids?

Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.

Mother Nature deserves a traffic ticket.

Summer is speeding by way too fast. 🤣🤣🤣

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They put her in a circle room and told her to find the penny in the corner.

When you lose a game of Kahoot, so you kashoot up the school.

I got suspended for asking an emo kid if he wants to hang out with me.

Why do homeless people commit crimes?

They get a bed in jail.

What did Stevie Wonder's mom do to punish him as a child?

She rearranged all the furniture.

My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?

If you have anger problems, hit an orphan, because who are they going to tell? Not their parents.

I kicked a ball into someone. Now I got a red card.