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My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.

Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone

Most people smother babies with love. I smother them with pillows

Have you heard about the corduroy pillow cases? They’ve been making headlines.

Why did the plum put sugar under its pillow?

So it could have sweet dreams.

There were three boys on the top of a slide. The first one went down yelling “gold!” and landed in a pot of gold. The second boy went down and shouted “pillows!” and landed in a heap of pillows. The final boy went down and shouted “weeeeeeeee!”

What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet!

Mom: you need to grow up. your so immature

Me: glares get out of my castle …

Mom: it’s a pillow fort

Me: why cant i have an imagination!?

Mom: your almost 19 years old

Me: not good enough … OUT!

I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow, but when I woke up my pillow was gone!

What did one pillow say to the other? Nothing meah they just sang a song about a rogue chicken whose feathers had been sacrificed to make them.