Consequence

Consequence Jokes

Rubber

A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.

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  • Fetus

    What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?

    They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"

    Bank robbery

    A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.

    Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

    The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."

    The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.

    He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

    The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"

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  • Jimmy

    If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?

    10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.

    Sex

    Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.

    Memes

    Batman

    Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!"

    Genie: "Wish granted!"

    When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.

    Evidence

    If you push someone that's bullying, if you kill someone that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing.

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  • Nun

    Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."

    Unplanned pregnancy

    Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jill said yes, took off her dress, and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pills, and now they have a son.

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  • Marijuana

    Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some marijuana. Jack got high and slapped her thigh and said "you know you wanna". Jill said yes, pulled down her dress, and then they had some fun. Silly Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

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  • Suicide

    What's the worst thing about committing suicide? You can only do it once.

    What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself? It wasn't sooner.

    Monkey

    Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,

    One fell off and bumped his head.

    The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...

    “We’re calling Child Protective Services.”

    Karma

    Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve.

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  • Marijuana

    Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed Jill’s thigh and said, “You know you wanna.” Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

    Dad

    Dad: "If they jumped off a bridge, would you?"

    Tommy: "Yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!"

    Pregnancy

    Jack and Jill Went up the hill to have some hanky panky.

    Silly Jill forgot her pill. And now there's little Franky.

    Choice

    How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."