If you kill someone, that's murder.
If you kill a family member, that's still murder.
If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."
What does 9 and 36 add up to?
A life in prison.
Why did half of the world go to hell?
Because they were laughing at morbid jokes.
(You've been warned!)
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"
Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."
The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."
The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"
What’s the definition of a pedophile, Tyler?
The teacher says to do your homework. I do. My friends do. One person never does any of his homework.
Eventually, we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly committed suicide.
How do you punish Stevie Wonder for bad behavior?
You move all of the furniture around.
How do you punish a blind kid?
Move to a new house.
What do you call a man with no legs?
Hangman.
Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."
Whoever made WorstJokesEver is going to hell.
Why do orphans start fights?
Because they don't get in trouble at home.
What happened when a hammer punished the nail?
He hit him.
In prison, they called me sweet cheeks.
Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.
You have been a bad boy, so now I will have to pun-ish you!
What happens when a pun isn’t funny?
It gets PUNished.
"Look at these kids stealing ideas, bro. They're going to jail."
Hey guys, I'm back. I was grounded by my grandfather, so, yeah.
Why do police never put an orphan in prison? It's too much like a home.
