Punishment jokes

What is the best revenge for getting punished at school?

Go shoot up the school.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 murdered 37 children and 41 adults during the ages of 31-35 years old.

She was then sentenced to a 35 year sentence (Colombian stuff) and came out 70 years old. She then continued to go on a spree and murder 41 more people, in 2 months. 3 years later, 6 stabbed 7 as they were friends. 6 was not sentenced, but deemed a hero. He never forgets that moment. Her soul not floating above, but screaming from the torture it's receiving.

My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.

Girl: Daddy, I've been a bad girl.

Priest: For the last time, it's "Father, I have sinned."

Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.

Why did the skeleton go to jail?

Because he was bad to the bone!

Why did the sped kid get expelled?

Because he was tardy.

How do you ground a person in a wheelchair?

Take off the wheels!

Why do women have periods? Because they deserve them!

What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.

Why did the chief go to jail?

Because he beat the eggs and whipped the cream!

Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "Mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potatoes." *SMACK*! Mother slapped Mark. She then asked Suzie, "What would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatoes," said Suzie. *SMAACK*! She slapped Suzie. "Okay, Johnny, what would you like to eat?" "Well.... I sure as hell don't want no fucking potatoes."

I got suspended at school today. I lit a kid's wheelchair on fire and called him "Hot Wheels."

If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?

I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.

"Suicide is a murder, and my body should go to jail."

Why did the bum get a slap?

Because it was being too cheeky.

This dwarf was being mean to me, so I said, "When you get home, I hope Snow White kicks the shit out of you."

A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.

The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"

Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to go through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."

The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times." The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes.

The last man says, "20 years and not once. I loved her with all my heart," and with the angel impressed, he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later, the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says, "I know we are dead, but it could be much worse."

The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard!"