Punishment jokes

The Good Old Days.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

Last time I ate a vegetable, I got banned from my sister's group home.

What happened to the frog that parked illegally?

He was toad away.

Get it?

When I was a child, I was made to walk the plank... We couldn't afford a dog.

Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.

I wasn't cut out for running today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

In Israel, they chop convicted rapists' balls off. Sure glad I don't live in Israel.

What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?

A: Where's the holy baby?

Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said, "Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion." The first guy came back with 10 apples, and by the second one, he started to grunt, so he was killed and eaten.

The second one came back with cherries, and when he went to put the 10th one in, he started to laugh, so he was killed and eaten. The two guys met in heaven, and the first guy said, "Dude, you were so close. What happened?" The second one said, "I would have made it, but I saw the third guy come back with 10 pineapples!!" 😝😝🤣🤣

What's a convict's favorite chore?

Weeding.

How to punish a blind kid, rearrange his bedroom.

When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale

Little Johnny was playing with his train and said, "All you motherf*ckers who want to get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who want to get on, get on." His mother hears him and asks, "Is that you cussing?" The mother said, "Go to your room for 1 hour." Little Johnny goes to his room, then comes back one hour later and said, "All you motherf*ckers who wanna get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who wanna get on, get on, and if you wanna know about the 1 hour delay, go ask the b*tch in the kitchen."

I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is £1,000."

But that's not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.

Chuck Norris gets pulled over by a cop, and the cop gets a ticket.

What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation? A period. Why? Because it marks the end of a sentence.

Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."

I got sent to the principal's office for lighting the kid in the wheelchair on fire and calling him hot wheels.

Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.

One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week."

They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."