Certificate Jokes

The popular girl told me "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!" Two weeks later, She shows up pregnant.

... I guess her rubber broke too

A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.

"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.


"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"

"Tom Junior."

I know you don't like me, and that implies you need better taste.

I'm no an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.

I'd give you a nasty look, but it seems like you've already got one.

Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology

You haven't changed since the last time I saw you. You really should.

I’m rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

Little of topic but Mum. You.wouldnt be here without me Son and my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory Mum fair point

yo mama so old on her birth certificate it said expired yo mama so fat when she sat non a rainbow skittles popped out yo mama so fat when she sat on walmart the prices went down yo mama so poor she chases a garbage truck with a shopping list yo mama so ugly she made the deviel go to church