Pump jokes

One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.

When a school shooter walks to the intercom and plays Pumped Up Kicks.

The quiet kid starts playing "Pumped Up Kicks" in the parking lot before school.

I'm jealous of your heart because it's pumping in you and I'm not.

A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.

Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.

Guess what song this is from:

"I'll cut you into little bitty pieces,

Or freeze you till your blood runs cold,

Or stab your till' you heart stops pumping.

I'm here to realize your wish from what I'm told."

Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.

What were the Fortnite kid's last words? "I didn't know pumps are back in the game!"

What song do you think was playing at the school?

"Pumped Up Kicks"

How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!

The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"

He says, "No."

She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."

Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.

Why did the pervert sing "Gucci Gang"?

Because a woman just gave him a lil pump.

It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.

What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.

When you're having a normal day at school, but then...

"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"

What is the difference between a flat tire bicycle and a woman?

Answer: You need to pump the tire on the bicycle before you ride it, while a woman you need to ride her and pump.

I asked an American if their national anthem was "Pumped Up Kicks."

A kid tell me he was gonna f**k my mom on Fortnite! So I told him I was gonna double pump his mom until she was wet like moisty meyers.

Like if you're not a gay.

Dislike if you're furry.

Repost if you HATE blacks.

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Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."