Prison jokes

Why am I in jail? Because I wasn't invited to the party in the orphanage 23 days ago. Stupid fucks.

Why can't orphans ever be criminals?

He is not wanted.

So... here's da scoop, alright... *licks KFC off lips* so, I was caught having sex wit three 6 year olds (girls btw, just in case you guys get mad) and da judge told me I was getting da death penalty, you know what I mean?

I had a last resort to save myself though, you feel me? So I told da judge, I said to him, I said: "Yo honah, 6 + 6 + 6 = 18, you smell me?"

Needless to say, I was announced a fre-e-e-e-e-e-e man after dat, you feel me?

But then, the Predator Poachers nigckas just barged into the courtroom and they said: 4 + 4 + 5 = 13!

Alas, I'm writing this joke from jail, and judging by the look my prisonmate Tyrone is giving me, I'll be writing jokes from hell from now on.

Where did Hitler send kids with ADHD?

Concentration camp.

What is orange and will soon be wearing prison orange? Trump.

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?

My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.

I saw a Cuban prisoner. I asked, "Why are you running from the cops?" He said, "I'M FREE AT LAST!"

What's the difference between an emo and a prisoner?

The prisoner.

What’s the difference between jail and my basement?

Some people are let out of jail.

Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.

Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.

Judge: But why?

Accused: Because I’m an orphan.

What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.

What Football Club does Mason Greenwood play for?

Prison FC

In prison, they called me sweet cheeks.

Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?

Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.

I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?

I'd hit you, but if I did, I'd go to jail for animal abuse.

My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

One thing about disabled people is they never set foot in prison.

The guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was...

"Don't let your guard down."

Teacher: Students, tomorrow bring your parents to the open house.

Student one orphan: I don't have any.

Student 2: What is the difference between you and an escaped prisoner?

Student one orphan: What!

Student 2: The prisoner gets picked.