Prison jokes
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.
But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?
Because orange is the new black.
Roses are red, potato chips are savory...
The United States prison system is legalized slavery.
Why should you fear white people in prison instead of the blacks?
Because you know that whites are in for actually committing something.
I went to jail because I gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days.
(I deleted Mother's Day and Father's Day.)
How can one make Death Row a little more fun?
Musical electric chairs.
I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:
1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.
I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.
Unless you are in prison.
Why did the Puerto Rican American 🇺🇸 🇵🇷 that was a gay male 🇺🇸 🇵🇷 that was born physically challenged not say anything to a group of gay white men that were not physically challenged after they called him a size queen after the Puerto Rican American 🇺🇸 🇵🇷 that was born physically challenged was done taking turns giving them a blowjob and was done taking turns swallowing their sweet cum? 🇺🇸 🇵🇷
Because it was the best meal that he ever had since he has been in prison for 30 years. 🇺🇸 🇵🇷
Me going to jail after telling the orphan he can't learn about ancient Egypt because he don't know what a mummy is.
POV: You go to Asian prison.
You get served extra rice.
Me going to jail for telling the orphan he has 363 days because mothers and Father’s Day.
I killed a man in '94.
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.
"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth, including an increase in child abuse," said the village priest.
The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison, they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media.
"Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!"
"Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey," they reported.
The village priest is living at his majesty's convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.
"Why is this a joke? It's not even funny!" said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.
What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?
Why do police never put an orphan in prison? It's too much like a home.
Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.
Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?
Kid: I don't know.
Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.
Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.
*Officer arrests Elmo*
Elmo: But who wants tickles?