Prison jokes

The penalty for a homeless person being caught stealing bread is an expensive, luxurious prison cell, which is located indoors and comes with free bread and water.

Aren't our governments wizards? Scrooge would be proud.

"Where did you learn to do bookkeeping?"

"Yale."

"And what was your name again?"

"Yackson."

What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?

"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."

Kim Jong Il: Knock knock.

Political Prisoner: Who's there?

Kim Jong Il: Boo.

Political Prisoner: Boo who?

Kim Jong Il: Boo hoo? Don't cry just because I executed your wife and enslaved your children. You at least get to eat today, my friend.

My science teacher asked me what is found inside cells.

I guess "blacks" wasn't the right answer.

Q: What's the difference between Jeffrey Epstein and wind chimes?

A: Wind chimes don't make a gurgling sound when they're hung.

Who was most surprised by Jeffrey Epstein's suicide?

Jeffrey Epstein.

My doctor gave me 1 year. So I shot him.

The judge gave me fifteen. Problem solved!

Q: Why is marriage not a word?

It's a life sentence!

I wasn't gonna tell another Epstein joke but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

Say what you want about Jeffrey Epstein, but at least he knew how to take out the trash.

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.

I only got one question wrong on my biology test yesterday.

The question was, "What is most commonly found in a cell?"

Apparently, "Black People" wasn't the right answer.

What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?

I guess orange is the new black.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.

Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black.

I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!

The only reason why Murrikkkunts think Canada isn't free is because incest is illegal in Canada, in which one can face a sentence as long as 14 years in prison if convicted.

So Americans strongly worship Donald Trump, eh? Well, let's put that claim to the test by throwing him into the general population of Rikers Island.