Prison jokes

Two trailer park girls go 'round the outside; 'round the outside, 'round the outside.

Two trailer park girls go 'round the outside; 'round the outside, 'round the outside.

Guess who's back? Back again. Shady's back. Tell a friend. Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back...

I've created a monster, 'cause nobody wants to see Marshall no more. They want Shady, I'm chopped liver. Well, if you want Shady, this is what I'll give ya: A little bit of weed mixed with some hard liquor. Some vodka that'll jump-start my heart quicker than a shock when I get shocked at the hospital by the doctor when I'm not cooperating, when I'm rocking the table while he's operating (hey!!). You waited this long, now stop debating, 'cause I'm back, I'm on the rag and ovulating. I know that you got a job, Ms. Cheney, but your husband's heart problem's complicating. So the FCC won't let me be, or let me be me, so let me see. They try to shut me down on MTV, but it feels so empty without me. So, come on and dip, rum on your lips. Fuck that, cum on your lips, and some on your tits. And get ready, 'cause this shit's about to get heavy. I just settled all my lawsuits. FUCK YOU, DEBBIE!

Now this looks like a job for me. So everybody, just follow me. 'Cause we need a little controversy, 'cause it feels so empty without me. I said this looks like a job for me. So everybody, just follow me. 'Cause we need a little controversy, 'cause it feels so empty without me.

Little hellions, kids feeling rebellious, embarrassed their parents still listen to Elvis. They start feeling like prisoners, helpless, 'til someone comes along on a mission and yells, "BITCH!!!"

A visionary, a vision of scary, could start a revolution, polluting the airwaves. A rebel, so just let me revel and bask in the fact that I got everyone kissing my ass. And it's a disaster, such a catastrophe for you to see so damn much of my ass. You asked for me? Well, I'm back, na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. Fix your damn antenna, tune it in, and then I'm gonna enter in, in the front of your skin, like a splinter. The center of attention, back for the winter. I'm interesting, the best thing since wrestling. Investing in your kids' ears and nesting. Testing, attention, please. Feel the tension, as soon as someone mentions me. Here's my ten cents; my two cents is free. A nuisance. Who sent? You sent for me?

Now this looks like a job for me. So everybody, just follow me. 'Cause we need a little controversy, 'cause it feels so empty without me. I said this looks like a job for me. So everybody, just follow me. 'Cause we need a little controversy, 'cause it feels so empty without me.

A-tisket, a-tasket, I go tit for tat with anybody who's talking this shit, that shit. Chris Kirkpatrick, you can get your ass kicked worse than them little Limp Bizkit bastards. And Moby? You can get stomped by Obie. You thirty-six-year-old bald-headed fag, blow me. You don't know me, you're too old. Let go. It's over; nobody listens to techno. Now let's go; just give me the signal. I'll be there with a whole list full of new insults. I've been dope, suspenseful with a pencil, ever since Prince turned himself into a symbol. But sometimes the shit just seems everybody only wants to discuss me. So this must mean I'm disgusting. But it's just me; I'm just obscene. No, I'm not the first king of controversy. I am the worst thing since Elvis Presley to do black music so selfishly and used it to get myself wealthy. (Hey!!) There's a concept that works. Twenty million other white rappers emerge, but no matter how many fish in the sea, it'll be so empty without me.

Now this looks like a job for me. So everybody, just follow me. 'Cause we need a little controversy, 'cause it feels so empty without me. I said this looks like a job for me. So everybody, just follow me. 'Cause we need a little controversy, 'cause it feels so empty without me.

"Chem-hie-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la."

Kids!

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

Say what you want about Jeffrey Epstein, but at least he knew how to take out the trash.

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.

I only got one question wrong on my biology test yesterday.

The question was, "What is most commonly found in a cell?"

Apparently, "Black People" wasn't the right answer.

What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?

I guess orange is the new black.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.

Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black.

I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!

The only reason why Murrikkkunts think Canada isn't free is because incest is illegal in Canada, in which one can face a sentence as long as 14 years in prison if convicted.

So Americans strongly worship Donald Trump, eh? Well, let's put that claim to the test by throwing him into the general population of Rikers Island.

I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.

Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.

...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.

Why did the DJ go to jail?

Because he dropped the bass too hard!

My brother is ugly. One time he stuck his head out the window. The police arrested for mooning.

You hear about Rapboats' time in prison? He kept droppin' the soap on purpose.

If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.

Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.

"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.

But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?

Because orange is the new black.

Roses are red, potato chips are savory...

The United States prison system is legalized slavery.

Why should you fear white people in prison instead of the blacks?

Because you know that whites are in for actually committing something.