Prison Jokes

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

Say what you want about Jeffrey Epstein, but at least he knew how to take out the trash.

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.

I only got one question wrong on my biology test yesterday.

The question was, "What is most commonly found in a cell?"

Apparently, "Black People" wasn't the right answer.

What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?

I guess orange is the new black.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.

Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black.

I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!

The only reason why Murrikkkunts think Canada isn't free is because incest is illegal in Canada, in which one can face a sentence as long as 14 years in prison if convicted.

So Americans strongly worship Donald Trump, eh? Well, let's put that claim to the test by throwing him into the general population of Rikers Island.

I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.

Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.

...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.

Why did the DJ go to jail?

Because he dropped the bass too hard!

My brother is ugly. One time he stuck his head out the window. The police arrested for mooning.

You hear about Rapboats' time in prison? He kept droppin' the soap on purpose.

If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.

Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.

"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.

But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?

Because orange is the new black.

Roses are red, potato chips are savory...

The United States prison system is legalized slavery.

Why should you fear white people in prison instead of the blacks?

Because you know that whites are in for actually committing something.

I went to jail because I gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days.

(I deleted Mother's Day and Father's Day.)