Pregnancy jokes

How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.

What’s the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady?

Answer: You can unscrew a lightbulb, but you can’t unscrew a lady.

Any joke can be funny with the right delivery, except abortion jokes, because then there is no delivery.

What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?

The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.

Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.

Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!

Wife: Kid?

Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?

Your mom is so weak, when she jumped from the Twin Towers, her baby became disabled.

I was about to make a baby joke but then decided to abort.

Somebody’s son said, "Mom, my dick has white stuff coming out of it." She said, "Oh, good one, son, so when’s the baby coming?"

Burger King got Dairy Queen pregnant during sex, cause he forgot to wrap his Whopper.

Mummy, how was I born?

Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."

Q: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? A: They put a plunger in the toilet.

Q: How many kids did Helen Keller have? A: None, the plunger went all the way up.

What day are twins born the most?

Toos-day.

What is black, white, and red all over? An interracial abort!

Why was the pregnant cow mad all the time? It wasn’t in for the moo-d.

My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"

Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."

Mamma mia abortion clinic!

Your loss is our sauce.

Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?

A: Pregnant.

Huh, I’m pregnant again. Must be something in the air.

Yeah, your legs.

Every bad joke can become a good joke with a good delivery, but abortion jokes, they have no delivery.

What did Lucy say when she saw her sonogram?

"Looks like a rerun."