Pregnancy jokes

Somebody’s son said, "Mom, my dick has white stuff coming out of it." She said, "Oh, good one, son, so when’s the baby coming?"

I was about to make a baby joke but then decided to abort.

Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.

Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!

Wife: Kid?

Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?

Burger King got Dairy Queen pregnant during sex, cause he forgot to wrap his Whopper.

Mummy, how was I born?

Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."

Q: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? A: They put a plunger in the toilet.

Q: How many kids did Helen Keller have? A: None, the plunger went all the way up.

What is black, white, and red all over? An interracial abort!

What day are twins born the most?

Toos-day.

Why was the pregnant cow mad all the time? It wasn’t in for the moo-d.

Mamma mia abortion clinic!

Your loss is our sauce.

Huh, I’m pregnant again. Must be something in the air.

Yeah, your legs.

Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?

A: Pregnant.

Every bad joke can become a good joke with a good delivery, but abortion jokes, they have no delivery.

What did Lucy say when she saw her sonogram?

"Looks like a rerun."

My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"

Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."

Abortion is not murder, it's just canceling your preorder.

I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.

Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"

What's red and runs up your leg?

A homesick abortion.

Joe's pizzeria and abortion clinic.

Yesterday's loss is today's sauce.

What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a nail?

Answer: You can unscrew the nail.