Pregnancy jokes

What’s the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady?

Answer: You can unscrew a lightbulb, but you can’t unscrew a lady.

Any joke can be funny with the right delivery, except abortion jokes, because then there is no delivery.

Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.

Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!

Wife: Kid?

Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?

Your mom is so weak, when she jumped from the Twin Towers, her baby became disabled.

Somebody’s son said, "Mom, my dick has white stuff coming out of it." She said, "Oh, good one, son, so when’s the baby coming?"

I was about to make a baby joke but then decided to abort.

Burger King got Dairy Queen pregnant during sex, cause he forgot to wrap his Whopper.

Mummy, how was I born?

Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."

Q: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? A: They put a plunger in the toilet.

Q: How many kids did Helen Keller have? A: None, the plunger went all the way up.

What day are twins born the most?

Toos-day.

What is black, white, and red all over? An interracial abort!

Why was the pregnant cow mad all the time? It wasn’t in for the moo-d.

Every bad joke can become a good joke with a good delivery, but abortion jokes, they have no delivery.

Huh, I’m pregnant again. Must be something in the air.

Yeah, your legs.

Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?

A: Pregnant.

What did Lucy say when she saw her sonogram?

"Looks like a rerun."

Mamma mia abortion clinic!

Your loss is our sauce.

My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"

Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."

When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"

Abortion is not murder, it's just canceling your preorder.