Pregnancy jokes
How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.
What's better than having unprotected sex? Getting an abortion.
What’s the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady?
Answer: You can unscrew a lightbulb, but you can’t unscrew a lady.
What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?
The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery, except abortion jokes, because then there is no delivery.
I was about to make a baby joke but then decided to abort.
Your mom is so weak, when she jumped from the Twin Towers, her baby became disabled.
Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.
Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!
Wife: Kid?
Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?
Somebody’s son said, "Mom, my dick has white stuff coming out of it." She said, "Oh, good one, son, so when’s the baby coming?"
Burger King got Dairy Queen pregnant during sex, cause he forgot to wrap his Whopper.
Mummy, how was I born?
Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."
What day are twins born the most?
Toos-day.
Q: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? A: They put a plunger in the toilet.
Q: How many kids did Helen Keller have? A: None, the plunger went all the way up.
What is black, white, and red all over? An interracial abort!
Why was the pregnant cow mad all the time? It wasn’t in for the moo-d.
Every bad joke can become a good joke with a good delivery, but abortion jokes, they have no delivery.
Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Huh, I’m pregnant again. Must be something in the air.
Yeah, your legs.
What did Lucy say when she saw her sonogram?
"Looks like a rerun."
When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"