Pregnancy jokes

If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.

How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.

What’s the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady?

Answer: You can unscrew a lightbulb, but you can’t unscrew a lady.

Your mom is so weak, when she jumped from the Twin Towers, her baby became disabled.

Somebody’s son said, "Mom, my dick has white stuff coming out of it." She said, "Oh, good one, son, so when’s the baby coming?"

I was about to make a baby joke but then decided to abort.

Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.

Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!

Wife: Kid?

Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?

Burger King got Dairy Queen pregnant during sex, cause he forgot to wrap his Whopper.

Mummy, how was I born?

Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."

Q: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? A: They put a plunger in the toilet.

Q: How many kids did Helen Keller have? A: None, the plunger went all the way up.

What day are twins born the most?

Toos-day.

What is black, white, and red all over? An interracial abort!

Why was the pregnant cow mad all the time? It wasn’t in for the moo-d.

When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"

My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"

Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."

Mamma mia abortion clinic!

Your loss is our sauce.

Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?

A: Pregnant.

What did Lucy say when she saw her sonogram?

"Looks like a rerun."

Every bad joke can become a good joke with a good delivery, but abortion jokes, they have no delivery.

Huh, I’m pregnant again. Must be something in the air.

Yeah, your legs.