Pregnancy jokes
Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.
Why would you make jokes about birth control?
It's a great labour-saving invention.
Why didn't the wife want sex?
Because they were having too many babies.
Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.
What's red and blue and runs up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Your mom is so weak, when she jumped from the Twin Towers, her baby became disabled.
You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.
It starts with "M" and ends with "arriage".
If you guessed "Marriage" you're stupid. It's miscarriage and don't forget it. The joke never gets old to him. Just like the baby.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.
I would tell you an abortion joke, but it was only temporary.
How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?
Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and said, "Jill do you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill so now they have a son.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
A Kinder Surprise egg.
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.
The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
You're so ugly your mom said, "I want an abortion."
What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?
Someone didn’t pull it out in time.