Pregnancy jokes
Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.
Jack and Jill went up a hill. His condom ripped, and now they are from Alabama.
A lady sees a doctor about a tummy ache. After her check up, the Doctor said, “Looks like you’ll be needing nappies in about 9 months time.”
The lady asks, “Am I pregnant?” To which the Doctor replied, “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Father: "I don't trust you. You poured your seed in my daughter's belly."
Son: "But Paah, you can't fire me."
Father: "You're lucky you're my brother too, or I'd kill you."
What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.
Why did the goat have an abortion?
Because she already had too many kids!
Do you know how babies are made? The boy puts his penis in the girl's butt and goes up and down for ten minutes. Then the girl takes a pregnancy test, and if it says no, then you keep doing it until she is pregnant.
The boy will lick the girl down there, and she will put his penis in her mouth and suck it. Then he will spit on his hand and rub it on her boobs and lick/suck them.
Bully: Hey virgin!
Victim: I'm not a virgin, just ask your sister.
Bully: I don't have a sister, dumbass.
Victim: Just wait nine months.
What’s the best part about having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
I was going to tell a joke about babies, but I decided to abort.
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "Yes," and lifted up her dress. Then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
How can you tell if you have a high sperm count? When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
My sister's pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marrahwanah.
Jack got high, slapped her thigh, and then they had some fun.
Jill forgot to take her pills, and now they have a son.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck 'em.
What do cannibals call pregnant women? A kinder surprise.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"
"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."
The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"
The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."
"What about the boy?" the woman asked.
The doctor said, "Denephew."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.
Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.
Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.
But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.