Pregnancy jokes

What's red, six inches long, and made my girlfriend cry when I fed it to her?

Her miscarriage.

"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."

Alabama.

Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.

Teenager: "OMG, I’m prego, my mom's gonna kill me."

Baby: "Lmao, same"

Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"

She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"

"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."

Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."

Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"

The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."

The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."

Guys, my sister's pregnant!

I'm finally a dad!

Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"

Dad: "Ask your sister."

Girl: "I don't have a..."

When Bubba's condom broke, he spent a lot of sleepless nights wondering if he was going to be an uncle or a dad.

What's a perfect example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.

What starts with M and ends with arriage?

Miscarriage. Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?

Neither does the child.

How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his Whopper.

Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."

Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."

Wife: "No, you're not."

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.