Pregnancy jokes

1+1=3, just add 9 months.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?

The emo girl still bleeds.

What is an unborn baby's Olympic sport?

Dodge the coat hanger.

What do you do to a pregnant lady on a step?

Push 'em.

Help! I got my brother pregnant.

Mom, I’m pregnant.

Are you drunk? Why? Because you’re boy.

What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the car outside a pregnancy care center?

Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.

Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.

What is round and squishy? A dead baby's head.

I don't like condoms, but I like gay pregnant X.

When you pull out, but the baby's face turns blue.

What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when I feed it to her?

A miscarriage.

My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.

What’s red, 11 inches, and makes my girlfriend cry when I slap her with it?

Her miscarriage.

"Yeetus to the fetus."

Why did the little kid cry? His dad forgot to pull out.

What's dumb?

The Fetus Deletus joke!

Fucking hate that joke....

Jakob's life.

You're so ugly your mom said, "I want an abortion."

Why didn't the wife want sex?

Because they were having too many babies.