Pregnancy jokes

Why did the failed abortion climb up the woman’s leg?

It was homesick.

So, this woman had a job. She wanted to hang out with her boyfriend, so she lied about having the coronavirus. Then she got out of work. Then she was texting her boss when she thought she was texting her boyfriend. Then she said, "I lied. Now we can...you know...water...sigh...lick...sigh." Then her boss texted, "Ew and YOU'RE FIRED."

One more story: One day this teen named Alexis got kicked out of a house, then went to live with her boyfriend. Then she got pregnant and posted it all on social media.

Why did the goat have an abortion?

Because she already had too many kids!

How did Mary get pregnant with baby Jesus?

God fucked her.

Help! I got my brother pregnant.

What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the car outside a pregnancy care center?

Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?

The emo girl still bleeds.

What is an unborn baby's Olympic sport?

Dodge the coat hanger.

What do you do to a pregnant lady on a step?

Push 'em.

1+1=3, just add 9 months.

Mom, I’m pregnant.

Are you drunk? Why? Because you’re boy.

Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.

What is round and squishy? A dead baby's head.

I don't like condoms, but I like gay pregnant X.

When you pull out, but the baby's face turns blue.

What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when I feed it to her?

A miscarriage.

What’s red, 11 inches, and makes my girlfriend cry when I slap her with it?

Her miscarriage.

My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.

Why did the little kid cry? His dad forgot to pull out.

"Yeetus to the fetus."