Pregnancy jokes
Every bad joke can become a good joke with a good delivery, but abortion jokes, they have no delivery.
Huh, I’m pregnant again. Must be something in the air.
Yeah, your legs.
What did Lucy say when she saw her sonogram?
"Looks like a rerun."
Abortion is not murder, it's just canceling your preorder.
I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.
Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"
What's red and runs up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.
Joe's pizzeria and abortion clinic.
Yesterday's loss is today's sauce.
What is 6" long, bright red, and your wife cries when you feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
How do you know if a black lady’s pregnant?
You put a banana up her vagina and see if any little monkeys come and get it.
If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?
What is more time-consuming than children?
Waiting for your wife to go into labor!
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a nail?
Answer: You can unscrew the nail.
The president of the USA is so damn stupid. His mother must have taken Tylenol while she was pregnant with him, or something.
What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!
Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.
My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach.
She asked me "Why the hell did you do that?!?!?" "I wanted to let you know I'm pro abortion."
Q: Name a murderer?
Aborted fetus: My mum.
What do a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her have in common?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"