Pregnancy jokes
When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"
Abortion is not murder, it's just canceling your preorder.
3 boys were having a debate about who had the healthiest grandma.
Boy 1: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 67 years old and can still do a backflip!"
Boy 2: "No, I have the healthiest grandma. She is 76 years old and can still finish a marathon!"
Boy 3: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 85 and she is in the hospital..."
Boy 1 and 2, looking confused.
Boy 1: "If she's so healthy, why is she in the hospital?"
Boy 3: "Because she's giving birth right now!"
I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.
Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"
What's red and runs up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.
What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a nail?
Answer: You can unscrew the nail.
Joe's pizzeria and abortion clinic.
Yesterday's loss is today's sauce.
What is 6" long, bright red, and your wife cries when you feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
How do you know if a black lady’s pregnant?
You put a banana up her vagina and see if any little monkeys come and get it.
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
What is more time-consuming than children?
Waiting for your wife to go into labor!
If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?
The president of the USA is so damn stupid. His mother must have taken Tylenol while she was pregnant with him, or something.
What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!
My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach.
She asked me "Why the hell did you do that?!?!?" "I wanted to let you know I'm pro abortion."
Q: Name a murderer?
Aborted fetus: My mum.
Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.
What do a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her have in common?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
Why can't you ever fool an aborted baby?
Because it wasn't born yesterday!