Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.
Pregnancy Jokes
What do a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her have in common?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
Q: Name a murderer?
Aborted fetus: My mum.
Why can't you ever fool an aborted baby?
Because it wasn't born yesterday!
What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?
The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.
Do you know how babies are made? The boy puts his penis in the girl's butt and goes up and down for ten minutes. Then the girl takes a pregnancy test, and if it says no, then you keep doing it until she is pregnant.
The boy will lick the girl down there, and she will put his penis in her mouth and suck it. Then he will spit on his hand and rub it on her boobs and lick/suck them.
How do you know if a black lady’s pregnant?
You put a banana up her vagina and see if any little monkeys come and get it.
What's better than throwing up a stillborn?
Making your wife eat it again.
Wanna know something funny? Well, there was this one time when my parents were talking about their marriage.
Then after the wedding, they decided to make a joke, and then 9 months later, I was born. My birthday (4/1/06) April 1, 2006.
Why did the failed abortion climb up the woman’s leg?
It was homesick.
So, this woman had a job. She wanted to hang out with her boyfriend, so she lied about having the coronavirus. Then she got out of work. Then she was texting her boss when she thought she was texting her boyfriend. Then she said, "I lied. Now we can...you know...water...sigh...lick...sigh." Then her boss texted, "Ew and YOU'RE FIRED."
One more story: One day this teen named Alexis got kicked out of a house, then went to live with her boyfriend. Then she got pregnant and posted it all on social media.
Why did the goat have an abortion?
Because she already had too many kids!
1+1=3, just add 9 months.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?
The emo girl still bleeds.
What is an unborn baby's Olympic sport?
Dodge the coat hanger.
What do you do to a pregnant lady on a step?
Push 'em.
Help! I got my brother pregnant.
Mom, I’m pregnant.
Are you drunk? Why? Because you’re boy.
What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the car outside a pregnancy care center?
Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.
Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.
