Pregnancy jokes

Abortion is not murder, it's just canceling your preorder.

What's red and runs up your leg?

A homesick abortion.

I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.

Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"

What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a nail?

Answer: You can unscrew the nail.

Joe's pizzeria and abortion clinic.

Yesterday's loss is today's sauce.

What is 6" long, bright red, and your wife cries when you feed it to her?

Her miscarriage.

What is more time-consuming than children?

Waiting for your wife to go into labor!

If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?

When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!

What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!

What do a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her have in common?

They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"

Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.

Q: Name a murderer?

Aborted fetus: My mum.

My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach.

She asked me "Why the hell did you do that?!?!?" "I wanted to let you know I'm pro abortion."

Why can't you ever fool an aborted baby?

Because it wasn't born yesterday!

What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?

The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.

How do you know if a black lady’s pregnant?

You put a banana up her vagina and see if any little monkeys come and get it.

Do you know how babies are made? The boy puts his penis in the girl's butt and goes up and down for ten minutes. Then the girl takes a pregnancy test, and if it says no, then you keep doing it until she is pregnant.

The boy will lick the girl down there, and she will put his penis in her mouth and suck it. Then he will spit on his hand and rub it on her boobs and lick/suck them.

What's better than throwing up a stillborn?

Making your wife eat it again.

Wanna know something funny? Well, there was this one time when my parents were talking about their marriage.

Then after the wedding, they decided to make a joke, and then 9 months later, I was born. My birthday (4/1/06) April 1, 2006.