Pregnancy jokes

You're so skinny, you swallowed a meatball and thought you were pregnant!

Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.

Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?

Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.

What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?

A Kinder Surprise egg.

What does a pregnant slave and a "pay less" sale have in common?

Buy one, get one free.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and lifted her dress so they could have some fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.

What do you do to a pregnant lady on a step?

Push 'em.

So, one day I was walking home from school with my best friend, Sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that Bob, the class rep, got her pregnant eight months ago, and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said, “Sally, it’ll be okay, I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson.” “Yeah, thanks, Suzy,” she said to me, then went into her house.

The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school, so I was like, oh, she must be in trouble with her mom. I’ll go check on her.

So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands. “Oh, hello. Is that Sally’s son?!! Can I see Sally?” Her mom says sure, and I go inside, but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone. “Here lies Sally 2004-2020.” So I ask her mom in tears, “Oh, did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied, “You could say that...”

Jokers are all about the delivery.

Except abortion jokes...

What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.

I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "Yes," and lifted up her dress. Then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so they could fuck in the water. But Jack forgot to use protection and now they have a daughter.

When your girlfriend has an abortion, it's kinda like dodging your own bullets.

My town's population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.

What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?

A Kinder Surprise.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and said, "Jill do you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill so now they have a son.

Why do they call it abortion? Because they aborted the mission.

Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.

A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.

Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."

Woman: "What's the bad news?"

Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"

Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"

Dr: "It's dead!"