Pregnancy jokes

What do a 14 year old and the fetus inside her both think?

"Man, my mom's going to kill me!"

What's black, white, and red all over? The interracial abortion.

What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?

Her Miscarriage.

A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.

A lady sees a doctor about a tummy ache. After her check up, the Doctor said, “Looks like you’ll be needing nappies in about 9 months time.”

The lady asks, “Am I pregnant?” To which the Doctor replied, “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

One day, Billy's teacher asked him, "I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?"

Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."

"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"

"Maybe it was a tricycle."

"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!"

The teacher grabbed Billy and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened. The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, "Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"

Billy looked up, fear in his eyes and said, "Well, maybe she had a go-cart."

That was more than enough. "I'm calling your mother right now!"

Soon, Billy's mother arrived at the principal's office. "It seems that Billy has decided to start telling lies. His teacher asked him what you recently had, and he said a bicycle, then a tricycle, then a go-cart!"

Billy's mother teared up, and through her sobs, replied to the principal and teacher, "No. Sadly, I had a miscarriage."

Billy sat up straight and said, "I KNEW that damn thing had wheels!"

A guy tells his pal, "My wife is expecting. We're going to the clinic to see if it's a girl or a boy."

"Congrats, man. What are you gonna name it if it's a boy?"

"We're going with Trevor."

"Ok, what if it's a girl?"

"Then we'll have an abortion."

Where is the most dangerous place for a human being to be?

In the womb of a woman who wants to abort her unborn baby. 😢

What starts with "M" and ends in "arrige" and is a man's favorite thing?

Miscarriage, this joke never gets old, just like the baby.

What's a man's favorite thing that starts with "m" and ends with "arriage?"

Miscarriage.

Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.

Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.

What is an example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.

What's red, white, and blue and crawls up your leg?

A homesick abortion.

What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.

What does an abortion joke and a fetus have in common... The joke never gets old, and neither does the kid.

If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.

What's better than having unprotected sex? Getting an abortion.

How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.

What’s the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady?

Answer: You can unscrew a lightbulb, but you can’t unscrew a lady.

Any joke can be funny with the right delivery, except abortion jokes, because then there is no delivery.