Life is like a bag of jellybeans.
Nobody likes the black ones.
Why do gay men hate periods?
They prefer Collins.
Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?
They hate it when you hand it to them.
Who gets more dick, straight male rap fans or straight male swifties? Answer: Straight male rap fans, because there’s no such thing as a straight male swiftie.
How do you get a white girl to suck your dick?
Put ranch dressing on it.
What's an emo's favorite time of year?
Fall.
What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.
What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).
I like my coffee like my women.
Amateur.
A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde walk into a bar.
They were having a chat when the bartender asked them about their opinions on elements.
The redhead says, “I love gold because I can buy a lot of cars with it.”
The brunette says, “I would prefer platinum because it is more valuable than gold and can buy you more cars.”
The blonde says, “I have 2 bags of silicon and you should see the cars outside my house.”
90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.
I like my women like I like my wine. 16 and locked in my in a basement.
I wanted to take a bath, but decided to leave it where it is.
Why don't gays shop at sports authority?
They prefer Dick's.
1, 2 look at your shoes.
3, 4 they look better than yours.
5, 6 you have no friends.
7, 8 you look like a ape.
9, 10 don't you like men?
11, 12 hell naw I like females.
Gays: I like men.
Straight: I like women.
Bisexual: A hole is a hole.
What is the difference between paying $50.00 to receive an anonymous blow job from a physically challenged gay white male who is also a sex worker at a glory hole and paying $175.00 to receive an anonymous blow job from an able-bodied bisexual white female who is also a sex worker at a glory hole?
If you give $50.00 to receive an anonymous blow job from a physically challenged gay white male who is also a sex worker at a glory hole you are saving yourself $125.00. 💸😁
Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces:
"Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!"
Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!"
Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though."
Nuns: "Ugh! No, thank you then..."
Why are women in love with plastic because they had a plastic "galflalflflfalfl?"
What’s an autistic person's favorite movie:
A Quiet Place?
Are you gay? Yeah, because I loved you.
