Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.
Other girls be like, "I want a 6ft guy", meanwhile I want to be 6ft under. 😃👍
A man gets on a bus and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
Daughter: Dad.
Dad: Yes honey?
Daughter: I'm lesbian.
Dad: Ok.
Daughter 2: Dad.
Dad: Yes?
Daughter 2: I'm lesbian too.
Dad: God, does anyone like boys around here?
Son: I do...
I like my people how I like my tea...
In a bag under water.
What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.
What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).
Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a female. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.
I like my women like I like my wine, twelve years old, in the basement, and locked up.
I like my women like my cigars: smuggled in from Cuba in a sack.
I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself.
Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad?
Liam: I like you both.
Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go?
Liam: I will go to paris.
Mother: That's means you like dad more.
Liam: No, its because i like paris.
Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go?
Liam: I will go to America.
Mother: Why?
Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.
What kind of chocolate does lesbian hate? Ones that contain nuts.
I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.
As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."
How is spinach like anal sex?
If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
Dark humor is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey
Rape is such an ugly word, I prefer the term struggle snuggle
I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
Why does Hitler drink milk? Because he doesn't like juice.
I like my women how I like my wine.
Aged 9 years and lives in the basement.
