Politics jokes
Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home.
As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump's wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie.
As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him, and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him.
Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn't really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump's friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump's friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, "Aww, I'm lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!"
Everyone's always saying they're so worried about America's big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I'm not worried about that... I'm worried about the idiot on the end of it.
What do you call a Trump Supporter?
A piece of $hit!
Politics.
To anger a Libertarian lie to him, to anger a Democrat tell him the truth, to anger a Republican sodomize him.
The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.
Welcome to politics: You lie to fight and fight to lie.
Law is temporary. Syria is eternal.
If you own a gun and you live in the USA, hide your gun upstairs. Biden can't get it.
Biden: *falls over on steps*
Bin Laden's relatives died in a plane crash on 8/1! #justice
What do you get when you cross a lesbian that is a feminazi, a lesbian that is a progressive democrat, a promiscuous woman that is a lesbian prostitute working inside a lesbian brothel in San Francisco, California, and one of Jehovah's Witnesses?
For all the talk of Donald Trump loving America, most of his lovers are imported from Eastern Europe.
Trump cut funding for Sesame Street.
I think he's jealous that the characters on Sesame Street can count to 10.
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?
Almost took out the whole trailer park.
Why is the USA bad at chess?
Because they lost two towers.
Don't steal. That's the government's job.
I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."
The last two presidents of the US.
President Chumples memorialised Charlie Kirk by saying, "He had a real shot at being president."
That's not a joke. The fat fuck actually said that after pan face got shot.
What did Hitler say when he was blindfolded?
I can Nazi!