Leadership jokes
Why were Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy very wise presidents?
They both had an open mind.
JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.
We all know that Lincoln and Kennedy are the most open-minded presidents in the world.
We're skipping April Fools' Day this year. The biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country.
What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?
The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!
Why is North Korea so good at Geometry?
Because they have a supreme ruler.
The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.
Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were on a falling airplane. There were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world,” so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually there are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.”
Putin's Brain:
Trying to make a baby talk is like trying to negotiate with North Korea.
Everyone's always saying they're so worried about America's big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I'm not worried about that... I'm worried about the idiot on the end of it.
What is a government mandate?
When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.
What do you call a decapitated politician?
A severed head of state.
Q: Why is Hitler better than Biden?
A: Because Hitler gave gas to his people for free.
Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.
Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss.
Who led the Israelites through the semipermeable membrane?
Osmoses.
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."
What is the difference between a comedian and a clown?
A comedian leads Ukraine, and a clown leads America.
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."
The "S" in Putin stands for smart.