Opposition jokes
What’s the opposite of an exorcism?
It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
Teacher: "What is the opposite of the following sentence: 'Children in the dark make mistakes'?"
Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children."
Why did the democrats come out of the closet as assholes after they found out that Rush Limbaugh died? Because they don't fear him anymore.
It's opposite day today. I'm gonna tell an orphan that their parents are here.
These days, there are only two political parties in India: BJP and anti-BJP.
What is the opposite of a lady finger?
Answer: Mentos.
A girl tried 77.34 (77.34) times to think of a word opposite of BYE. Then her brother divided the word BYE. 77.34 divided by 100. TRY IT!!
What does one orphan say to another orphan on Opposite Day? "Do you want to go home?"
Opposite day be like in doors.
Figure: Finally, I can see.
Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.
Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.
Eyes: 😭
What is the opposite of Progress?
Congress.
What’s the opposite of Stephen Hawking? Stephen walking.
If Opposition Expunged thought he was an animal, what would Thearchy be called?
Therianarchy!
Q: How do you know when someone is an opposition leader to Putin?
A: When they are falling from their balcony.
Q: What is the opposite of 'Dominos'?
A: Domi doesn't know!
What is the opposite of salt water?
Pepper water.
An old man gets a call from the IRS.
The man on the phone says, “We’ve noticed large sums of money coming in and going out of your account constantly, and we gotta get this straight. Come in tomorrow and we’ll have a chat about this.” The old man thinks for a while and then decides he better get his lawyer to come with him.
The next day the old man and his lawyer show up to the IRS office, and the man there says, ”So we’ve noticed these large sums of money entering and leaving your account nonstop. Can you explain this?” The man replies, ”Well, I will bet on pretty much anything. Like this! I bet you 10,000 I can bite my own eye.” The agent takes the bet, and the man takes out his glass eye and bites it. He then says, ”Wait. I’ll give you a chance to earn your money back, and more! I bet you 20,000 I can bite my other eye.” The agent thinks a minute and realizing the man isn’t blind, takes the bet. The old man takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye. He then says, ”Alright, last chance. I bet you 50,000 I can stand on this side of your office and pee into that wastebasket on the opposite side without getting a drop anywhere in between.” The agent thinks real hard but decides it’s impossible, so takes the bet. The man unzips his pants and pees all over the IRS agent’s desk. The agent jumps up and down and says, “Haha! I got you now!” But the man's lawyer goes pale in the face, sinks his head in his hands, and says, “He bet me 100,000 on the way over here that he could piss all over your desk and you’d just love it!”
The only reason gay people exist is because they couldn't get the opposite gender.
College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you, or they'll send your kid back.
What's the opposite of Jason?
Jasister.
11/9 is opposite day. The towers fall on the planes instead of 9/11, way.