Phrase jokes

The guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was...

"Don't let your guard down."

Want to watch Titanic?

No, I'm not on board for it.

You know what’s impossible?

Steven Walking.

1 and 2 fell in love. The 2 said, "You're the only 1 for me!"

My dad is so good at instruments, he said he loves to finger "a minor."

Guys, you need to ketchup with the time.

"Fuck me, Jarry."

My advice to suicidal people: just hang in there. 🕺

What do you say when a person trips?

You say, "Why you trippin'?"

There was a kid at school. He was reading a book and he came across a phrase. It was "purple pation." He went to his teacher and asked what it meant. His teacher said, "What the actual hell? Get the hell out of my class and go to the principal's office!" The principal said, "It's okay, it was probably a mistake. I will clean this all up. In the meantime, what's the phrase?" He says, "Purple pation." His principal stares at him for about 3 seconds, then says, "Get the hell out of my school. You are expelled!" He ran 7 miles to his dad's office crying all the way. He went to his dad and explained how his teacher kicked him out of the class and the principal expelled him. His dad said, "Calm down, I will clean this all up," and he said, "That's what the principal said. He said, 'I will clean it up'." He said, "OK, the phrase is 'purple pation'." His dad said, "I hate you, get out of my office. I don't want to see you again." He ran down crying to his house. He explained what happened. His mom said the same thing as everyone else, so he explains the phrase. His mom kicks him out of the house, and he ran down to the park crying. An old lady said, "What's wrong?" He explained what's happening. Then she says, "Well, what's the phrase?" He says, "Purple pation." The old lady said, "See that house across the street? That's my house. Come over in about 30 min and I will explain." He says, "Thank you." It was the longest 30 min of his life. He sprints across the street and gets hit by a bus.

Sorry guys ;)

My therapist told me, "Time to heal all wounds," so I shot him in the nuts.

Now we wait...

"What do you tell a person with depression?

Just hang in there, buddy!"

Doin' (DYM 63)?

"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.

Did you know that whenever I read my blood donor ID?

Because it says "B Positive!"

was (DYM 62).

Why did the girls sit on the clock?

To be on time.

Say "ocean" 5 times and you say "oh shit!"

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

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