Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
Say "ocean" 5 times and you say "oh shit!"
What is Michael Jackson's favorite phrase to parents of boys? "Leave me alone!"
A girl called me ugly.
So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.
There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.
Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.
I want an almond-flavored biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am!
Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast! Get it? Lol.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Joem.
Joem who?
Joem Ama.
What is a girl's favorite song when they are on their period?
"Period, oh period, oww!"
Why do orphans say, "Go big or go home?"
So that way they feel important.
What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?
"Freak out!"
Alpha Kenny body?
If a mentally challenged person shows up late,
Is it ok to call him tardy?
Keep calm and curry on!
If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.
Why though?
What did the pirate say to Argon?
Ar!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Por que.
Por que who?
"That's all, folks," in the words of Por que Pig.
Heard the phrase "one man's trash is another man's treasure"? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.
I will never forget my little brother's last words, RIP.
His last words: "Paint doesn't taste good."
