Perception jokes

I think I'm colorblind. News came out of purple.

What does the blind man say when walking past the fish market?

“Good evening, ladies.”

"I spy with my little eye..."

- Noting I am blind -

Are you a mirror, because I see myself in you?

If I flip off an Asian person, he can't see it.

If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.

If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

Hellen Keller once said, "love is not something you see or hear, it is something you feel," but of course she said it like this "fbfebsovbforbw urbwbwvorb."

I was always told I’m too small to ride, but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5.

Yo mama so ugly, when she looks in a mirror, it says, "Viewer discretion advised!"

When you ask your friend if he thinks lunch is good, but he says that he doesn't taste anything.

On the plus side, I finally hear voices talking to me... just wish they were outside my head.

My math teacher walked by and asked me, "What is that?"

I said, "Paper."

She said, "Really?"

I said, "Yeah, do you need glasses?"

Robert doesn’t see people, the man just sees meals.

I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.

My friend said I was gay, but then I realised he was talking to the mirror.

What do you call a girlfriend in the mirror?

(Your imagination.)

"Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?" I see a blind man looking at me.

"Blind man, blind man, what do you see?"

Oh sorry, I forgot you can't see.

A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.

An autistic man walks into a bra.

Why can't people understand these jokes?