Perception jokes

What does the blind man say when walking past the fish market?

“Good evening, ladies.”

Are you a mirror, because I see myself in you?

"I spy with my little eye..."

- Noting I am blind -

Yo hairline so far back that you need a magnifying glass to see it.

A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone that knows you.

Hellen Keller once said, "love is not something you see or hear, it is something you feel," but of course she said it like this "fbfebsovbforbw urbwbwvorb."

I was always told I’m too small to ride, but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5.

Robert doesn’t see people, the man just sees meals.

Yo mama so ugly, when she looks in a mirror, it says, "Viewer discretion advised!"

When you ask your friend if he thinks lunch is good, but he says that he doesn't taste anything.

On the plus side, I finally hear voices talking to me... just wish they were outside my head.

My math teacher walked by and asked me, "What is that?"

I said, "Paper."

She said, "Really?"

I said, "Yeah, do you need glasses?"

My friend said I was gay, but then I realised he was talking to the mirror.

What do you call a girlfriend in the mirror?

(Your imagination.)

I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.

An autistic man walks into a bra.

"Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?" I see a blind man looking at me.

"Blind man, blind man, what do you see?"

Oh sorry, I forgot you can't see.

How do you confuse a blonde?

Tell them to stand in the corner in a round room.

The ball kept getting bigger and bigger...

And then it hit me.

Helen Keller: *Gets knocked to the floor*

Helen Keller (in her head): "Wow, I didn't see that coming!"