I'm so depressed that when I smile, my Face ID doesn't recognize me.
I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone, and a dog nearby barked and ran away. Now I'm still looking for that dog to unlock my phone.
Why does 9/11 only get a day, but Pride gets an entire month?
Because pride is a bigger tragedy.
Sometimes my battery life has the same recognition as me :(
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
I'm lookin' for some good jokes for the best song award. Can y'all help a fellow out?
How do you know you've found a priest? When little Timmy is glued to his crotch.
The person that created the knock knock joke won the Nobel reward.
Did you know about the guy who invented knock knock jokes?
He won the no-Bell prize.
How do you know when Kobe Bryant is famous?
His face was chiseled in a mountain.
If Dusty's dad from Home Alone 2 was in NASA, how come he is not famous?
I think my penis has facial recognition.
Whoever invented the knock-knock joke should get a "no bell" prize.
That shit was trash. You can't handle me.
Hold up. Aren't you Nathaniel B.?
I waved to you before, but you never sea me because you're so washed up.
Sully: Praised after landing in the Hudson River.
Garuda Indonesia 421:
Sully's co-pilot:
Did you hear about the guy who made knock-knock jokes? He won the Nobel Prize.
What do you give the dentist of the year? A little plaque.
Why don’t rappers play hide and seek?
Because good rappers always stand out!
Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii I'm famous!
