I just found out I'm colorblind. News came out of the purple.
How do you know a woman is blind?
Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.
Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.
Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.
The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.
The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.
I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.
Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through something so small?"
Just 'cause I have a big penis doesn't mean I can't have sex.
Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?
I'm sure you would run away if your name was kjdhfkuaysbgfbkuejgf.
How many LGBT supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.
If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.
If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers in the world?
Because they went through 90 stories in just 10 seconds!
One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.
"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"
Your mom is so ugly that she made a mirror shatter.
How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?
He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!
Your hairline is so long, people call it "The Natural Disaster!"
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman? Getting her husband‘s voice just right
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
Motivational quote for today: if you think you're dumb, you're probably overestimating your intellectual abilities...
Hugging Leo is a great way to commit suicide... you’d just drown in all her fatness.
If two blind people meet, one of them says: "Long time, no see!"
