Perception jokes
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?
Inside a room full of squares, buckets, and tints, there are two inspectors. One is called Mr. Right, the other one is called Mr. Wrong. Because of their names, the first one is trusted more than the second one.
Mr. Wrong eventually got tired of that and worked on a plan for how more people could trust him. He took a jigsaw and he started to cut into his brain and sawed away half of his brain. It was still working.
Then he took a loaf of toast, cut it into half and glued it on his head, and then he made a strawberry cream and sprayed it on the toast. Because people couldn't recognize him as "Mr. Wrong," he was able to solve more cases.
How do you know when you have been invited to a gay barbecue?
When you are unable to distinguish foot-long hot dogs from long and thick big dicks, regardless of skin color.
Why are cops worried about drunk drivers and not elderly drivers?
I just found out I'm colorblind. News came out of the purple.
How do you know a woman is blind?
Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.
Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.
Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.
The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.
The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.
I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.
Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through something so small?"
Just 'cause I have a big penis doesn't mean I can't have sex.
Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?
I'm sure you would run away if your name was kjdhfkuaysbgfbkuejgf.
How many LGBT supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.
If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.
If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers in the world?
Because they went through 90 stories in just 10 seconds!
One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.
"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"
Your mom is so ugly that she made a mirror shatter.
How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?
He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!
Your hairline is so long, people call it "The Natural Disaster!"
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.