One man's trash is another man's treasure... Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.
When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:
"Enjoy the little things."
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?
The dog lead went slack.
The optimist thinks the glass is half full. The pessimist thinks the glass is half empty. The feminist thinks the glass is raping them.
A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him, "Hey man, what the hell you doing?"
Blind guy says, "Just looking around."
Me: I look up to you.
Friend: Wow, thanks!
Me: But in general cuz your so tall.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
Did you know that Helen Keller had a dog?
Well, neither did she!
Why is a tree brown?
If you are thinking about this, you are racist.
You got a dig bick.
You read that wrong.
You read that wrong too.
Maybe you read that wrong as well.
You just went and back-checked.
You reread all of that.
You have a pet wussy.
You read that wrong...
You need mental help.
"You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"
In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
If we can't see air, can fish see water?
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
If we can't see air, can fish see water?
A blind person walks into a bar.
Because they can’t see where they are going.
Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: Why? Friend: I'm color blind.
Yo mama so stupid that when the mirror cracked, she tried to order another one.
I once was sitting outside and watched the birds go by. I checked my watch and said, "My, how time is FLYING by!"
Look in the mirror. There's a joke for you.
You want to know what the ugly truth looks like?
Go look in the mirror.
