Perception jokes
My sister: See you at home in about an hour.
Me: Okay.
My sister: Sister, where are you? *She looks out the window.*
Me: Sis, I'm here, can't you see me?
Sister: OMG, she's dead!
Me: Yeah, I know, but can't you see me?
I bet you $12345678901234567890 that you didn't read that number and you didn't notice that I put a letter in it. No, I didn't, but you went back and looked, didn't you?
People judge me because I'm quiet.
No one plans a massacre out loud.
What is it about a beard and glasses that children find so sexy?
"I was walking in the yard yesterday and a bug stepped on me. Why, you ask? Because the bug didn't know I was there."
Is it just me, or is it normal to you when people scream?
What does a person that’s high and Helen Keller have in common?
Both stare off into space.
I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed my friend who was on LSD. "I See a Dreamer."
What did the blind man say as he passed the fish stand?
"Hello Ladies!"
So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.
When you ask your friend if he thinks lunch is good, but he says that he doesn't taste anything.
I see 6 letters in "the past."
I have 2020 vision.
I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.
What does the blind man say when walking past the fish market?
“Good evening, ladies.”
What do you call a blind person on a date? A blind date.
What do you call a blind dinosaur? Do-you-think-he-saurus.
What do you call a German that is blind? A not-see.
Did you know Hellen Keller had a doll house in her backyard? Neither did she.
My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.
Bf: What do you think about our love?
Gf: Count the stars in the sky.
Bf: Aww, it's infinity.
Gf: Nope, just a waste of time.
I met another kid with Down syndrome the other day and attempted to talk to him. But my mom showed up and was asking me why I am talking to the mirror.