Kid: Dad, what is it like to be drunk?
Dad: You see those two trees over there? If you were drunk, you would see four.
Kid: Dad, there is only one tree.
What is a blind person's favorite color?
Black.
Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.
Joseph: No, they don't.
Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.
Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.
Husband: I look fat, can someone compliment me?
Wife: You have good eyesight.
I bet you $12345678901234567890 that you didn't read that number and you didn't notice that I put a letter in it. No, I didn't, but you went back and looked, didn't you?
What does a person that’s high and Helen Keller have in common?
Both stare off into space.
What did the blind man say as he passed the fish stand?
"Hello Ladies!"
So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.
What does the blind man say when walking past the fish market?
“Good evening, ladies.”
What do you call a blind person on a date? A blind date.