What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?
They both lay pipes in public parks.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park. Lord: Has something happened while I was gone? Gardener: Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burrying your dog. Lord: My dog died?! Gardener: Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down. Lord: My mansion?! How?! Gardener: Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains. Lord: Why was she so distraught? Gardener: She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped. Lord: My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?! Gardener: Oh right! Your cancer test results!
A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”
Did you hear about the boy who got raped by a group of women in the park whilst jogging? Now there are lots of male joggers in the area.
i was watching my son play at the park and a lady asked me. "which one is yours" and for fun i said "i don't know i'm still choosing".
I saw a beautiful homeless girl and asked if I could take her out on a date. She politely accepted and enjoyed herself. Soon after I asked if I could take her home, she smiled and nodded her head. Her smile disappeared when she saw me running away with her cardboard box.
What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,
"Jenny and Jonathan sittin in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, the comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."
I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.
I parked in a disabled space today...
...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”
A pedophile was holding a bag of chocolates and then approached a little girl at the park.
"Hey little girl! If you give me a teeny-tiny kissy-kiss on the tip of my wee-wee, I'll give you a piece of my chocolate!"
The little girl replies, "If I suck your whole cock, can I have the whole bag?"
So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.
A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."
I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady she asked which kid is mine and I responded I haven't decided yet
Could a parking garage also be called a broom closet?
What do you do when you see a spaceman?
Park in it, man!
Q. whats an orphans fav south park ep A. the anti family guy episode
Little Johnny's sister Suzy sees her mom in the shower and asks what is that between your legs? Her mom responds, "That is my garage". The next day Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands Suzy?" Suzy says, " Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage so I ripped its wheels off."
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
There was a little kid crying in the park today, i askd him where his parents were. Now i realize, man i love my job
