Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.
What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?
Til death do we park.
Where would an astronaut park his spaceship? A parking meteor.
I got caught doing donuts in the parking lot, and I know what y'all are thinking.
Who names their dog Donuts?
What did Mickey Mouse and Michael Jackson have in common?: (What *didn't* they have in common)
Same red shorts, theme park in their backyard, white glove, soft voices, loved children, they both were black with white faces.
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.
“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”
Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."
Where did the cow go on his first date? To the moovies.
What is Green and Red and goes round and round?
A frog in a blender.
(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)
What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?
One can support an average family.
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?
Almost took out the whole trailer park.
I just came across a pile of cash in the parking lot.
Usually I just use tissues.
What happens when a frog parks illegally?
It gets toad.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
What excuse can you use if you find out your date is a rape victim and you don't want the baggage?
Say you've parked your car in a bad spot and are just going to move it, then move your car all the way back to your home address.
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"
Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.
Why did the kid cross the playground? To get to the other slide!
