Park jokes

Why are women like parking spots?

Because all of the good ones are always taken first, and you gotta wait until they're available again.

I go in the duck park, I make it myself there cozy with Rayman and fruit dwarves.

What's the difference between parking a car and finding a girlfriend?

All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody finds out.

Why did the paraplegic cross the road?

Because they didn't have any handicapped parking spots on his side.

A gay man enters a bar. At the counter, he sees a skinhead sitting, which he somehow finds cute. He gathers all his courage, goes to the skinhead and whispers to him, "Do you want a blowjob?"

The skinhead punches the gay man in the face with his fist, causing him to go down. Then he drags him outside into the parking lot and kicks him again with his boots before going back inside and sitting down at the counter.

"Man," says the bartender, "but you beat him up quite a bit! What did the man even say to you that you were so freaked out?"

"I don't know," replies the skinhead, "something about a job..."

An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying his eyes out. A jogger stops, feels bad for him, and asks, "Sir, what's wrong?"

The old man sobs, "I'm 85 years old. I have a 25-year-old wife at home who is a supermodel. She cooks me gourmet meals every day, she keeps the house spotless, and we spend every night in total, passionate bliss."

The jogger looks confused. "Wait... that sounds amazing! Why are you crying?"

The old man looks up, tears streaming down his face, and wails: "I can't remember where I live!"

I met a kid at the park. He was holding a picture of his parents in his hands. They had died on 9/11.

So, I went to comfort him. I said, "Hey, I lost my grandpa on 9/11. He was great. At flying a plane."

White comedy week:

Monster Truck Monday

Trailer Park Tuesday

White Trash Wednesday

Take Your Sister Out Thursday

Fox News Friday

Storm the Capitol Saturday

Say You’re Sorry Sunday

What do you call a seven who's not feeling well? A sick seven

Where did Sally go after stepping onto the minefield? Everywhere

Getting a girlfriend is just like parking a car; usually all the good ones are taken, so you just gotta stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.

Your hairline's so far back, even Rosa Parks refused to sit in the back; it went all the way there itself.

There was a boy who owned a dog, who was walking while wearing headphones.

Upon entering a park, he saw a sign that read, "DOGS MUST HAVE LEAD". He continued into the park, and became immersed in the music.

After leaving the park 20 minutes later and turning around for the first time in a while to remove the lead, the sight of his now-dead, freshly-poisoned dog reminded him of the importance of heteronyms.

Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.

If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.

LBB- me and Shrek built a theme park for you mummy and it’s called Dummy pee pee poo poo doo doo land because Shrek likes to poop.

Shrek- Should I pull the trap?

*LBB’s mom walks into the trap*

LBB and Shrek- surprise we’re mailing you to Peepoo Peepoo AB

WORLDWIDE RAP: Takin’ a Battery Park tour in Calgary, a Mali rapport and a factory in Lahore in an Annapolis store, Calgary's core, went to Nairobi’s floor and visited Valerie Moore, then bought some Shanghai decor and got salaries in Seoul’s war, studied the Vatican’s lore, wanted to see Manhattan’s allure and visit the Galilee shore to check Napoli’s score, a tragedy in Warsaw, Palmyra before, check out the cavalry corps, went to a Bali resort, a Madrid encore but had to take a Hackney detour.

Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”

The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.

Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.

I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.

Why?

The ducks keep trying to eat him.

Why would they do that?

Because he’s pure-bread.

Leo must be a parking ticket... not because of the “fine” thing, nah, it’s because she’s OVERSTAYED her WELCOME.

Why are women so bad at parking?

Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.